Friday, March 30, 2012

If it was easy everyone would do it.....I guess.


Hello. It being painting. The night before yesterday that would be Wednesday night I went full steam ahead into a downward spiral. Pick you reason, it all came back to the work and how I feel like it's crap. Also I found out my niece who is nineteen move in with her boyfriend. It beaks my heart that time has gone so quickly and she is a grown woman. It's not that I miss the baby, I love the woman that she has become that goes for my nephew her brother as well. They are wonderful young adults. When I moved out I never thought about the impact on my mother. It is a sign of maturity but also it is leaving the nest which is sad on some level. Is it also a reminder of how life quickly goes by. Here I am fifty-two and when I am clear headed I see that my work has made more progress in the passed four years than all preceding years. So that is progress certainly but it seems to get harder and I see that part of the reason for success is being able to manage and create. Most of my life has been spent creating and never thinking about management. Without good management a company does not survive.

So back to my niece. She has a great relationship with her mother so all will be fine. I am sure it is a very difficult time for my sister even if she is not showing it in her private moments I'm sure she is sad. I feel very sad. I really don't know why well let me say there are so many reasons that it is hard to pinpoint one. I see that in my life I have very few friends. Many if I kept in touch but I don't work on the friendships which is the deal. I sadly feel that it is all work and all I have energy for is painting. I think maybe I have come to the conclusion that I really am mediocre and I had such high hopes. That's a hard one. I guess on some levels it's freeing because I don't have to live up to anything.  Dwelling on time passing is not helpful, broken up by the reactions that I do not get from the work. a good practice would be to keep the focus on myself and think of whose opinion I value and see if they will look at the work.  Posting on fb does me no good, it just sets me up for potential disappointment....a big one. Do I need to be seen so badly that I have to rush to post on fb.that is getting me no here.  the blog is much more private and appropriate. We shall see.

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