So it's a big day for football fans.

 This is a new painting of mine that I am especially pleased with. This is the direction I wish to go.

Hello. Of which I am not. Its not that I dislike the game I just don't care. The following is very personal, I make no apologies as this is my blog and my views. There was a time when I wrote my views in a journal that no one would see but those days are gone. Maybe this is not the best development but there it is. Proceed with caution.

Anyway what I do care about is the tone between the two political parties and how it just goes from bad to worse. I don't feel there is any going back with the current climate. It is us and them, it is very basic, this is what I mean. The Democratic party and their policies are for the people and the GOP's policies are about desertion and control at the same time. They stand for less government well that's fine but who will take care of the poor, elderly and all those in between. Their attitude is let them take care of themselves. To me that's DESERTION.  At the same time they want to take away basic rights that we have fought for and enact other laws that make it very tough for basic things like voting. Some Republican politicians will stop at nothing to take back the White House. And that means making it tough for the elderly and the poor to exercise their right to vote by forcing them to buy a new voter i.d. card. How did we get to be this way? When did we lose our conscience.

Another thing I feel strongly about is Pro-Choice. It is very simple it is a CHOICE. No one is forcing anyone to have an abortion. It goes back to what I was saying about control - they want to control women's reproductive rights, that will never change as long as there is religion. I understand people's views are very important but I draw the line at someone telling someone else what to do with their body. This may sound naive but I feel it's that simple and this is something that you can not be wishy-washy about. 

In the studio fighting the urge to do nothing.

Hello. Yes I did some work for an hour and a half earlier, broke for an early dinner and now back in the studio. Trying hard to get out of my way - to make paintings that are not easy for me. As always feels like exploring new territory all the time. Maybe one day that will be comforting, can only hope. 

While eating I watched a show which I am embarrassed to admit, Anderson as in Cooper. He is fine it's just the idea of any of those shows makes me bored. Yesterday because I was also watching for the first time mind you (because  a friend was in the audience) I noticed that Drew Barrymore was going to be his guest so I tuned in. I like Drew. Anyway she is sweet and said something that really resonated which was, in the morning when we rise we choose how we are going to feel. We can choose to feel happy or sad. No one or thing is perfect this we know but we can decide if we are going to be happy. Ride the bumps along the way, figure out how to be reminded during the day and try to be happy. 

I am so in my head all the time that this is a huge task for me. Some of us by nature of what happens early on can be very serious people and that's me. I walk around like the world is on my shoulders and at fifty-two teaching an old dog is a challenge. I haven't figured it out yet. All the notes in the world are not always enough. With all of this said I am going to enjoy this cup of coffee and get to work.

The planets didn't even warrant a reading for Scorpio...

Hello. So what does that mean when someone reads the planets and does not mention a sign. For me the one who was not mentioned in typical Mark fashion I read that to mean that the day will undoubtedly be bad. A self full-filling prophecy.

The words of a great Cole Porter song keep going through my head. "I never want to hear from a any cheerful Polly Anna that fate supplies a mate their all bananas." I don't need a mate, well I wish that mine wanted to stay home as much as I do but that another issue. I wish that fate would send some gratitude my way. There is a twelve step slogan or phrase, "feeling the feelings" I'm full of quotes today. Anyway I'm feeling the feelings - for sure. Oh to be young again when a joint made things easier? With age comes some wisdom and the knowledge that what I once thought was "easier" was just denial. Oh well...BORING!!!...(remember Joanne Worley) let's hear it for denial!! Hip Hip...

I played tennis today for just an hour and I was useless afterwards.Totally exhausted and did not go to the studio till 6:30. I took down some small paintings to photograph upstairs as the light is not working for my paintings, in the studio. They look like shit and and shit they may be but at least I want the color to be right. So it's been a long day. I would still like to do some work, we shall see. So yes I took the paintings down and put up a new piece of 96"x96" canvas and have started the prepping.

One foot in front of the other.

Trying desperately to find gratitude.

A follow-up from today. It is late, I thought I would write a little before retiring. I did more work in the studio tonight and it was not easy...early on. I was asking myself questions - does everyone go by the seat of their pants of is it just me. Now I'm exhausted.

Hello. Yes - in the studio and things are finally taking a turn for the better. I was my own worst enemy for a while this morning. Playing that old tape in my head, "everything is shit", what I am currently making that is. Well it passed and while I'm not on cloud nine, at least I'm off the ledge.

A good friend is coming over to check out my new work for possible inclusion in a show. I feel desperate and feel the need to mess things up a bit. The work is getting a little fussy and it's better when things are unsure - for me it means I'm stepping out of my safety zone. I need to do this - otherwise I am making really boring paintings.

Gentle. Gentle.

Asking for what you want....can be risky.

Hello. Yes asking for what you want comes with risk. I recently asked a friend a favor. Without going into details it involves him doing something for me, he has already done a lot for me. In the past He has asked me to be part of shows this time I am requesting to be part of one. I put the request in the form of a letter which was professional and I've heard nothing yet. I felt the letter gave him the opportunity to read and think without feeling on the spot. There is a possibility that he did not get the email but I think that is doubtful. I guess if I do not hear from him by tomorrow afternoon than I shall call as it is a timely thing.

In a way it is asking a lot but there is a possibility that it could bring some return$ for him for the first time. The past shows with him took place in venues that did not get traffic and you can't sell paintings by unknowns without getting lots of people through the door. This time could be different...we shall see. There is a very strong possibility that it is not an option but I had to ask this favor.

I got up early this morning and did some work before going to work at the store. I am on the schedule Mon - Wed. this week. After work and dinner tonight I watched a bit of The Ed Show and then went down to the studio and threw some paint around. I was pretty exhausted but really glad I did it. You never know what may come about no matter how tired you are. Of course there is the risk of making a bad mess but to hell with that.   Life is full of risks...isn't it? 

Time well spent

Hello. Yes I have been fortunate with my time in the studio. As many realize time in the studio does not mean productivity. I guess it's all productive but when the wheels are spinning and not much is happening it is hard to feel positive. 

One of my tools for dealing with those periods is cleaning or organizing. I start to organize and slowly segue into work. The cleaning can seem like a waste of time when you feel you should be painting but it is hardly a waste - for me chaos is not good. It's so easy for the mess to accumulate - I fight the mess on a daily basis. There is so much work in the studio right now that it feels a bit claustrophobic but I will get over that.

I also have the issue of lights that are mounted on poles that I move around to suit where I am working. Lately they always seem to be in my way. Maybe it's me whose in the way but that is another issue. I find that I get a little edgy when moving the lights. Maybe edgy is strong, just aware shall we say that I am tired of it. Reality check... get over it. I need to embrace these lights as the source for my ability to work. W/o them I am nothing....right now.

I am so grateful for my blog although there are times when I long for the olden days of journals but the reality is they are messy. Wow...times really have changed. Think about the future when all we have are computer screens. There will be few actual journals as records of time. I really need to do both. This is all neat and orderly but the hand-made quality of journals is far more real. 

I am off to sit for my friend Jack. To be continued.

Three solid studio days approaching.

Friday the 27th, What would we do without wonderful neighbors. I have one such neighbor. She is beautiful through and through. Not just for what she does for me although that is what I am referring to right now. My washing machine has been down for a while and I went to Laundromats for a while until I broke down and asked if I could use her machine. No questions asked told me how to get in the house on and on. So I am quite grateful for Miss Katy for making my life less hectic.

Hello. Yes I am very excited about the prospect of three solid days in the studio. Of course things come up but I am going to try to concentrate on work.

I recently dropped a painting off at Nest Interiors, before dropping I made a copy and after a few days looking at the copy - it is its own painting. I am quite pleased as it shows a direction for me.