Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Get the fgocus on the work

Hello. It has not even happened yet and I'm already reeling from the emotions of rejection regarding my work. Reeling may be strong, let's say we're on the bitter bus and it's sad...a very sad bus ride indeed. The chance of "winning" is slimmer than, let's see...ten count'em ten customers walking into my store before closing. Yes business is for crap. You might be thinking with that negative energy who would want to shop there? But let me tell you like most good addicts I conceal things very well. On the outside things look together, clean inviting (business is lousy all over) but my insides are festering. Again maybe harsh and for shock and entertainment but it is a sad lot I feel good about the work and then the rejection that hasn't even happened yet makes me doubt almost all of it. I will get it together, pick myself up dust off and start all over again.

It gets a little old repeated up and down roller coaster ride called creating as you no doubt know but what is the alternative when you've invested so much already. I'm in it for the long haul.

With so many distractions in the course of the day it is so easy to forget what is most important. The answer of course being people then art. Art being a very close second. Working on some new ideas and it is easy to forget what I do when doing something other than art. namely running a store. New things are happening creatively and apprehension can come up around just about anything and can overwhelm...make it easy not to see where the feelings come from and what they are about. I need to take extra special care of myself these days for that reason.

The world is also especially grim these days with the killing of Osama Bin Laden. I feel little if any remorse for a sociopath but the idea of having to see images to satisfy a morbid curiosity is way to much for me. I am so proud of the President for making the decision to not release the images. If Bush were President they would have been on the cover of every paper in the world right now and we would be fueling more hatred for Americans then ever and just a matter of time before bad things happen.

It's all a distraction but it is life and there is a need to stay in touch but there are things we don't need to know. Things that are better not knowing.

An aside. I read someone's post on facebook and it could have easily have been mine. I want to make an effort to avoid making comments that are fueled by anxiety or negative thinking because they sound terrible. This person said something sounding bloodthirsty about bin laden and a person commented sounding even more bloodthirsty. I do not want that garbage in my life, don't want to think of it. I'm trying some new ways of doing things on many levels. Trying to eat slower and not treat a meal as something to get through. I love food and inhale and get on with work. Mealtime should be a time when we slow down and be with each other. It is challenging as there is soooo much to do but that is always the story and it is healthier to slow down.

I want to badly to be able to immerse myself in my art and think of little else for a period. I feel more focused than ever right now so I must take advantage. Art is beauty and it is what I want.

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