Seriously I am seeing things that are not totally new to me but it is easy to not understand the reason for sadness when I am in it. The artist leads a very lonely life. Speaking for myself I can say that when I am making paintings there is no one else around and that is the way it has to be. But it is lonely and when I am not making art I want to be the center of attention. I'm being honest here of course it's not that simple it never is. Basically I want to making art all the time and I do think that everything that is not art related is a waste of my time. there I said it it's out and I own it. I've wasted a lot of time in my life and what is there to show for it?
I just want to make great art and when you feel like you are mediocre it is a tough time. I know that I'm good but I have the feeling that I could be better an that takes WORK. It is not going to get done hanging around. Then there is the side of me that want to be a complete human being with relationships. That side of me is not the strongest. Full disclosure here I'm selfish and bitter and sad and mean most if it is all directed inward of course like the good masochist that I am.
I fell yesterday and hurt my hip and left arm, I'm fine but just bruised but it is enough to make me want to curl up and cry.
OK back to work.