why is gratitude sometimes the last thing I think of.

"Golden Imagined Landscape" 2009, 84"x84" oil on canvas, my largest painting sold to date.

Hello. I'm in the city and I long to be out in my studio. Instead of being happy where I am. Then I get out to EH and miss John and regret leaving. I am fine and we will be together tomorrow. Many reasons for my sadness. I'm not going to edit this for people that love me and may worry about my posts. Sadness is a big part of many lives. There are so many things to be freaked out about. Things most of which are out of our control.

Then I turn on the radio and there is this Jazz singer sounds like Lou Rawls singing, actually Wes Montgomery, and Lou Rawls "LIVE" I was right. Yes I am listening to radio. Wednesday Night Jazz "The Shadow Of Your Smile" from the film "The Sandpiper"

More importantly I've been noticing that I feel badly about my behavior with people more and more lately. I am very easily inconvenienced and I need to get the fuck over it plainly and simply. There is enough rotten shit in the world without me contributing. If I were to practice smiling sincerely or not it might get contagious at least for me. I behaved quietly, badly today on the Jitney and what is done is done it's just that there is one more person out there that thinks maybe I am a miserable, nasty person. With that said I'm going to be gentle with myself because I've been working hard lately. Good things related to my art but physical there I go again, it is so easy for me to complain and go to that place instead of thinking how wonderful I sold one of my largest 84"x84" paintings."Golden Imagined Landscape" the one that I showed in Red Hook. I think, Shit I have to go and stretch it. ( I did it and it looks amazing) I'm climbing out of the ditch that I've tossed myself into. Yes life is good. Jenn and Nate purchased with their hard earned beautiful dollar four paintings of mine. I think they have good taste. I hope they are happy next week. Four of my abstract paintings. Isn't that crazy?

I am sorry as I have no idea how to break up that rambling train of thought. If you have gotten here then I owe you. Not literally of course. Unless.