It has been a while since my last post

Hello. So here we are eleven days before Christmas and I am starting some shopping tonight. This is early for me. So not related to this at all a large spider just ran by me in My studio. I blew in its direction and it ran the other way. Smart spider. Actually it came back and I got some photos of it in my phone. Spiders are crazy.

Anyway, I was not selected for the juried show at Rogue Space and it was a hard one for a few minutes but I recovered with some good words from John. Of course it makes me question everything which is something I guess I just go through during these periods. Over 300 people entered and it was culled to forty people. I did look at some of the art and there were some paintings that spoke to me and it made me feel good. I do feel like a senior painter at this point and even though they are abstract leaning towards landscape or locations of some kind, I feel they warrant a second look. But with these shows, here I go again trying to figure out something that is not possible to figure out. My paintings not me were rejected from a show, yes I am my paintings but I am also more than that. I think if I could really paint what is inside of me I would be a star or more likely, as is usually the case, die in obscurity. Debbie Downer is not lost she is living inside me. :) Smiley face. Sometimes the Internet and all of its symbols can be annoying. To the point but annoying none-the-less.

How about a new paragraph. So my mother now has email. I am very excited as it is another way for us to stay in touch. I think it is really good for her and I can read between the lines and hear if something is up that the Passive Aggressive characteristic will not let her verbalize. I mean this in the most loving way. I will take my mother's little quirks over some traits of others any day of the week.

I look forward to going home and spending some time with the family. John is joining me as He does not want to spend Christmas day without me. He is the sweetest. He also wants to fall asleep in front of the television watching "Planet Of The Apes". I have to make sure it is the first one. The whole picture is so funny. The movie and John wanting to crash and do nothing for a day. I am happy He loves my family. Well everyone loves my family, that is not a surprise but He is special and it means a lot that He can be so relaxed there. One of us has to be. I know my sister can appreciate this. I am also kidding because I love being there at this point in my life. I am much more relaxed I used to be a nightmare for all involved. The holidays were a period when my control issues would kick in and kick my ass. I think things changed for me last year with the death of my Dad. I think for years before He died the fear of His death hung over my head and the question of how would I care for Him. Of course things fall into place and we are never alone so all went smoothly for the most part and here we are a year later to the week. He died December 22nd 2008.