Wednesday, April 21, 2010

positive thinking

Hello. I am back. Listen I don't want to be premature but maybe the positive thinking helped. I went out and did some errands and came home to an email form this local gallery that I like. Lyons Weir Gallery. They have a weekend thing the call the Art Bazaar where unknown artists without gallery representation can register and show their work for a weekend. I sprinted down and they had one space left. This is NYC mind you where every other person is an artist. I was shocked. So there you go I an part of it and now have a month to get myself together. It is amazing how the thought of a little publicity can stroke my ego and give me hope. They are great people with none of the gallery attitude that is common.

Hello. I am back from a great trip with John. He was in a conference and I chilled out poolside for a few days. I should be embarrassed to write that but I am not. Anyway just wanted to check in and be counted. It is a beautiful Spring day in NYC and I am getting over some bitter anger. Why you ask?? I have never needed a reason to be bitter of angry and at fifty that goes double. Silly question my friend.

To answer your question it stems from the difficulty to make a meager living off my paintings and the feelings that I am going through with the creative process. Constantly second guessing what I am doing. Loving it all one minute and thinking it is all shit the next. Seriously I do not think it is shit but I fear that it will be appreciated long after I am gone. That is all very nice but blah blah blah. Maybe it is all shit. :) What the shit?

I am learning the appropriate place to vent these feelings and it is not facebook. Quite to the contrary, fb is the wrong place. This is the place, my own private blog, where a very select group of exclusive people will read and form opinions about me. Better late than never right? Awareness that is.

I want to change so much about my life. And all of these changes require discipline which is tough to keep up. I want to watch little or no television. I want to read more. I want to appreciate what success I have had, work hard for more and see that there are artists out there that may never achieve the little recognition that I have. I basically want to have some gratitude for life and all the people in it.

All of my bitterness aside I really do feel that life and people are great and beautiful. It seems that there are so many things that can distract one from this reality. Like Sarah Palin for instance. How does that happen? Someone so insignificant having such power. But again that is negative energy that I need to let go of. I make paintings and that is what I need to concentrate on. It is my contribution and if I play my cards right maybe they will reach and touch people. And I come from a family of card players so... My fabulously liberal Mother and my beautiful Aunts play cards together all the time. Just for pennies. Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever heard?

Later. I do feel like I have joined the human race again. I want to be a nice, happy person. Sometimes I guess it is challenging cutting through all the crap and evil in the world to see how beautiful life can be. I haven't figured it out yet why this is but there it is.

One word, Gratitude.

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