Tuesday, September 29, 2009

today is the first day.....

Hello. Can't resist another pic of the legendary Judy Garland. She died at 47 and had a very tough time in life. A star from the age of three and for most of that a commodity to many businessmen. I found this photo on the Internet and if there was ever any doubt as to her ability as an actress I think this puts it to rest. I think there are more stories in her eyes than many that adorn the silver screen. Spoken like a true film/theatre queen. I flatter myself thinking I'm a modern day Addison Dewitt. If there are any young readers out there in the dark, following me, right, go, rush and get yourself a copy of "All About Eve" and while you are at it "Sunset Boulevard" Gay yes, camp yes but also brilliant, gorgeous film experiences.

What follows is a bit of my scattered, not-so-edited thinking, enter at own risk.

Amazing how the the mind works one day up next day down. It's such a delicate balance. Today I am much better, feeling really optimistic. Of course I feel like a spoiled child but I have to remember that the creative person inside is a child and that is what I'm trying to nurture. Some would say get the %#^& over it and get a job and more often then not I agree but today I am handling myself with kid gloves.

I was reminded last night of my accomplishments regarding showing work in the past couple of years and it is amazing how easy it is to forget, in this "it's what you are doing now that matters" world. It is so easy to forget while trying to move forward and moving forward is crucial but not if it is only about more, bigger, better. I would like to slow the pace down and be more in the moment enjoying the process. If not what does it all mean? Who cares about making another painting for paintings sake? I know the value of art to the human psyche it's a mystery how important it can be and the feelings that art can provoke. I guess sometimes I can forget which should be a reminder to back up and remember why I do it. Of course reasons change over the years. As a child in a chaotic home my creative abilities were mine and made me special, kept me focused. Thinking about how it's changed, it really hasn't. I guess with age and experience the feelings making art can invoke, for me, are deeper in a different, more informed way. I'm still a delicate flower underneath the leathery exterior.

An old friend used to joke that his mother gave him three words of advice, Moisturize, Moisturize, Moisturize. I think that is funny.

Having the experience of my first three shows in the past couple of years has been quite a ride. I've made the work right up till the deadline of the show. Maybe that is common but going forward with the momentum that I have creatively, I look forward to the next show being about selecting work that is finished, dry and ready. My recent show at Surface Library Gallery www.surfacelibrary.com had work that was so new at installation that some of it was wet. I arranged the show around an idea, I made the work and then later found this new direction, it seemed so exciting that everything else seemed old and it was all I wanted to show. Not necessarily bad news mind you but a little crazy and made of some very frantic days running my expensive little mom & pop business of prepping, creating, stretching, and installing.

I hoping my next show is more organic. I feel I've found a new direction that isn't an "idea" for a show. Till now I've thought about ideas for the show, how the work will relate and/or be cohesive. I also feel that I am in a rhythm with work that is much more consistent. Instead of working and then a couple of months before feeling like I am running a triathlon to make a show. Me, Me, Me.

This good friend and I were talking and He reminded me of where I was two years ago compared with today and what an amazing journey. He told me that I am lucky because at fifty, ouch, and being healthy and fit I have the next ten years to really explore and make some of my best work. I remember being twenty and having this friend, an older woman, Mary Kosowski (we painted together regularly, she was/is an amazing drafts person in the style of Degas, she taught me so much) tell me that she was a little envious that my creative journey was just beginning. I knew what she meant then and certainly now but I feel lucky because I would not trade my vision for that of a twenty year old. Many have made their most important work very late in life. It makes sense that life's experiences would bring more to ones work.

I think I have an interested sublet who happens to be a very clean, chic guy from San Francisco. If it works out I will be very happy.


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