Get off the bitter bus

Hello. I almost posted the following on facebook, now what would it have benefited me? Nothing. Period.... Regarding painting, for me there is never a time to coast a bit and not feel the pressure of being new...again. I fear I'll never feel that breather - I always feel like I'm re-inventing the wheel and presently it's square. Maybe something exciting is around the corner .
That is a thought for my blog not fb. I am very pleased that I had the foresight to not post.

I would like to give up my seat on the bitter bus but my stop seems a long way off. It is really challenging as an artist who is not, has not been and can't find representation to feel optimistic. You would think at my age I would be at home with these feelings but not they still get me down. I had this idea that things would be different at this point in my life. I am one of the lucky ones to at least have a beautiful roof over my head and a man that loves me and encourages me to make the work that makes me happy. It that were all. 

Indeed it is a lot and I feel better than I did an hour ago so that it something. I am making crazy paintings right now and they and I haven't quite found our way so things are really messy to say the least. Painting is not easy nor is writing something that might be interesting so I am really re-evaluating facebook and the blog. It seems like a rant to me and that was never my full intention. life is messy. and I'm full of life if you get my meaning...to be continued.