Trying desperately to find gratitude.

A follow-up from today. It is late, I thought I would write a little before retiring. I did more work in the studio tonight and it was not easy...early on. I was asking myself questions - does everyone go by the seat of their pants of is it just me. Now I'm exhausted.

Hello. Yes - in the studio and things are finally taking a turn for the better. I was my own worst enemy for a while this morning. Playing that old tape in my head, "everything is shit", what I am currently making that is. Well it passed and while I'm not on cloud nine, at least I'm off the ledge.

A good friend is coming over to check out my new work for possible inclusion in a show. I feel desperate and feel the need to mess things up a bit. The work is getting a little fussy and it's better when things are unsure - for me it means I'm stepping out of my safety zone. I need to do this - otherwise I am making really boring paintings.

Gentle. Gentle.