artist life

Time well spent

2012-01-29T06:26:00.000-08:00

Hello. Yes I have been fortunate with my time in the studio. As many realize time in the studio does not mean productivity. I guess it's all productive but when the wheels are spinning and not much is happening it is hard to feel positive.

One of my tools for dealing with those periods is cleaning or organizing. I start to organize and slowly segue into work. The cleaning can seem like a waste of time when you feel you should be painting but it is hardly a waste - for me chaos is not good. It's so easy for the mess to accumulate - I fight the mess on a daily basis. There is so much work in the studio right now that it feels a bit claustrophobic but I will get over that.

I also have the issue of lights that are mounted on poles that I move around to suit where I am working. Lately they always seem to be in my way. Maybe it's me whose in the way but that is another issue. I find that I get a little edgy when moving the lights. Maybe edgy is strong, just aware shall we say that I am tired of it. Reality check... get over it. I need to embrace these lights as the source for my ability to work. W/o them I am nothing....right now.

I am so grateful for my blog although there are times when I long for the olden days of journals but the reality is they are messy. Wow...times really have changed. Think about the future when all we have are computer screens. There will be few actual journals as records of time. I really need to do both. This is all neat and orderly but the hand-made quality of journals is far more real.

I am off to sit for my friend Jack. To be continued.

Three solid studio days approaching.

2012-01-26T15:46:00.000-08:00

Friday the 27th, What would we do without wonderful neighbors. I have one such neighbor. She is beautiful through and through. Not just for what she does for me although that is what I am referring to right now. My washing machine has been down for a while and I went to Laundromats for a while until I broke down and asked if I could use her machine. No questions asked told me how to get in the house on and on. So I am quite grateful for Miss Katy for making my life less hectic.

Hello. Yes I am very excited about the prospect of three solid days in the studio. Of course things come up but I am going to try to concentrate on work.

I recently dropped a painting off at Nest Interiors, before dropping I made a copy and after a few days looking at the copy - it is its own painting. I am quite pleased as it shows a direction for me.

Gone so fast.

2012-01-23T11:02:00.000-08:00

Hello. Gone so fast refers to how I feel when a new painting leaves the studio. Listen this is not a complaint...really. It has happened before that I show someone a painting and they want it right away. Again I'm not complaining but when I know it's a good one and it leaves chances are it's gone. In this instance I quickly made a copy which is cleaner maybe better in some ways. It's an idea that I need to develop and a direction that I which to go in so having a good reference is helpful.

I've had a very busy morning and need a cup of coffee desperately.

Up late, 8:10 wake-up to white.

2012-01-22T05:35:00.000-08:00

Hello. So my work day at the store is coming to a close, I did some work on paper discovering my approach was the same as any other painting. I had some fear about what to do, I just dove in and got wet, made a mess and had some things revealed to me. By nature of my medium, crayon & paint on paper it's a very quick process. I would like to slow it down but at the same time do not want to think to much.

Last night I sent some images in an email to this gallery guy who is also a friend that I don't know so well, but a little, very nice guy. In the letter I briefly described my process and at the time liked what I wrote. The challenge is describing my work/process to someone who has not seen the work. I treat my artist's statement as a living thing changing all the time. Which makes sense because what I am doing today will most likely not be what I am doing next year or in three months for that matter. I read that it is important because it helps to talk about the work, put words to the work or the thought behind the work. I used to dislike the statement but now totally appreciate the tool and quite love it actually.

It's helped me to think more about the work and have a plan however abstract. This is what I put in the letter:

Some thoughts on the work. I am exploring abstract landscape, keeping it all about the paint, creating space with color and contrast. Finding that when a "space" appears that is not representational or traditional, it is more desirable. Oddly when making abstract work this way, shapes can appear or feel concrete. A patch of color can become a wall...creating a place to go, to go through.

From earlier today...With the Australian Open being broadcast so late it is difficult to get to sleep early. Na Li lost to Clijsters last night which made me a little sad. I really like Li and her killer approach to the game. To be cont....

First snow of 2012 on Long Island

2012-01-21T15:52:00.000-08:00

Hello. Returned home to Long Island from hometown Rhode Island today after a few days caring for my mother. She had a fall and is fine but was banged up a bit. Luckily she is a strong woman with a will of steel, a steel will? We had a sweet visit and I'm hoping to get home more frequently. How to put the needs of my mother first without putting all of my work/life on hold. This is my dilemma always has been. I left EH on Tuesday morning and have done nothing regarding my art since. It is Sunday and I am so tired that I will just sit and watch the boob tube.

After coming back by car in a snowstorm I have no energy and need to regroup. Tomorrow I work in the store, if it is not busy I may try to set up some materials to begin some work on paper.

My goals this week are to finalize my mailing list in constant contact. I also have to send some images to a friend who moved to Chicago a bit over a year ago. He recently contacted me requesting some images.

My blog, a favorite passtime.

2012-01-19T20:44:00.000-08:00

Hello. I've been away a few days, had a few days in Miami escaping some very cold weather in NY but it stuck around for me - how thoughtful. After Miami I planned to visit my mother and went sooner as she had a fall, sadly fracturing three ribs which for a eighty-two year old is not nice. She is determined and improving every day at home which is a relief.

My car is not good in snow...guess what it is all white outside. Pretty but not very convenient. Ugh.

I have had plans of beginning some work on paper and have yet to dive in. I don't know what holds me back other than exhaustion. So much time gets wasted on other things in life and my best energy gets sucked up in menial but necessary chores and obligations. That is the plight of many people but for me it seems there is always something keeping me from the studio. When I do start the work on paper which may be tomorrow I want to think of trying to make paintings similar to what I am currently doing with oil.

The Luxury of Time

2012-01-13T09:52:00.000-08:00

Hello. For the most part having the luxury of time has not been my approach to life. Lately though, I've been working hard on so many fronts, got sick which knocked me out so I've been re-evaluating. I am feeling better although from time to time still get nauseous. Again I repeat that if I hadn't seen that doctor I would still be in the throws of it. So with the flu I will no longer suffer and try to wait it out, let it run its course. No no.

Back to the luxury of time. Today I feel it is important to listen to my mind and body and they are telling me to relax, slow down, enjoy being still. I am never still except when sleeping. There is always the need to be doing something and when in that head it can be counter productive. The mind and body does need to replenish. I know this but do I think of it and try to practice even a bit of this self-care? Seldom. So I am trying to slow it down, think more about my next move or that moment the present. That can be applied to all aspects of healthy living.

Reading. My mind is going one-hundred-and-fifty mph. Can I read that fast and take in every word let alone comprehend what I'm reading? NO. I didn't even make the connection until now. I feel the need to speed along because I am conditioned to go non-stop. Reading becomes another thing to get through instead of a way to enrich my mind. I can tell you now that I am not smart enough to be a speed reader and comprehend it all. So if I do not slow down it is a waste of time, energy and what do I take away from the experience...very little. I think of this as very positive news because life is not a race.

Of course it can also be my approach in the studio. There are more times than I would like to admit when I am plowing ahead not thinking about other options, approaches - sometimes to good effect other times leading to frustration. Realizing that if I had thought about it I might have had cleaner, better result quicker. I do thrive on the spontaneity but I can have both and the work will no doubt benefit.

This thought process or approach to life has been in the back of my mind for a long time but I didn't see how simple the remedy might be. I do not delude myself into thinking that if I get methodical about things then all will be fine. After all it's still me we are talking about here. But I do think there will be huge improvements and I may be a nicer person to be around.

Spent some time...

2012-01-10T10:22:00.000-08:00

Hello. Yes spent some time the studio this morning. Discovered upon examination that what I did yesterday wasn't so bad. A wise person said "Paintings come from painting" For me it is the continuity of work. Working regularly enough that it is familiar, that's what makes the work flow and gives results for me.

I feel like writing something bitchy and as I have, dare I flatter myself a very small audience it is harmless. And ultimately better to write privately than talk about it. Here we go. There is a local "Art Critic" who writes a weekly column in a paper and in every "review" she refers to herself in this manner. "This Critic feels...". or "Blah, blah, blah...for this critic." I find it so annoying that even if she says something worthwhile it gets lost by always reminding everyone that she is a critic. First of all it is a lofty job description that some might dispute but that is not for me to say. This artist does not judge. Right.

Back to painting. There I do judge and I am the harshest on myself. This is not uncommon I realize and wish that made it easier but alas I am cruel to the bone. It's the built in forgetter that never runs low on batteries. More often than I care to realize I feel that the work is shit, shaking in my shoes about what comes next. Almost always feeling differently, pleased, the next session when reviewing what I'd done. Or I can feel like a fraud, and, in five minutes a genius.

I once went to a lecture co-incidentally by one of the more well know NY Art Critics and He said some things that really hit home in a not-so-flattering way, re: artists. I wish I could quote but this is the gist. Artists are the most self-indulgent people. He prefaced by saying He loves them of course. They think everything they do is brilliant. Well that's the idea. He is right, but at the same time they might be too.

One thing that might be the most helpful thing for me to remember is that there is no right or wrong way to do what I do. Maybe.

Another good start.

2012-01-09T10:08:00.000-08:00

Hello. This painting is a new one, about 34"x48" it appears a bit brighter as a result of my editing.

I managed to wake early and get to the studio before heading to work. It was only an hour but a quality hour. I threw caution and paint to the wind. After two cups of coffee I did some exercise which is making me feel much better. I'm on a bit of a roll and have some consistency, the old body is grateful. I also had to drop the car to be checked then walked home. Thought about the fact that I live in a beautiful place and never walk. John and I seldom if ever go for a walk. That should change! I have to commit to that not just for the exercise factor but the sun and fresh air. So important.

The store is slow regrettably so I may begin some works on paper. It is a part of my current body of work that is neglected - going straight to canvas as I do. The goal is to have work to submit to flat-files at Pierogi Gallery and another that I can't think of right now. What do they say, You have to be in it to win it? Well.....

I made some minor changes to the painting dedicated to Jeanne, I think it is finished so I will shoot and post soon. Also thinking about my regrettable photography, I'm disappointed with the results I am getting so I have to experiment. Of course editing in iphoto improves the color, brightens the white and makes things truer. Anyway just a thought, there must be something I can do to tweak my photo results.

I awoke very early.

2012-01-07T05:20:00.000-08:00

Hello. Yes I woke up at 4:45 and gradually got out of bed. My back felt odd like it was not aligned and seldom do I feel this way. I did some stretching to see if I could crack my back, to no avail. It did right itself with some stretching so I then started looking at galleries and discovered Edward Winkleman, the name jogged my memory. I met him over a decade ago, He had a gallery in Williamsburg the name something Fish??

Anyway He has a blog which is the most helpful thing I've ever some across for artists and I feel deeply indebted to him. It is valuable honest info that anyone can get some guidance from.

Abstract Work

2012-01-05T07:57:00.000-08:00

Hello. Here is another of my paintings on wood from late 2011. A full shot and a detail. This is a twin to the previous post painting.

So I've been away a bit went to the Ddoctor's office and was seen immediately amazingly. He gave me a prescription and two other things to take. With lunch I took the first dose and one of them is a PM medicine so I will not be long for this world. After the doctor, CVS to fill the scripts...they were done right away. You don't understand nothing gets done right away where I live. Maybe the planets are getting aligned for me. I was swallowing the pills when I saw in big letters PM...oh well no heavy lifting for me. Just couch time.

My friend Jessica wrote a beautiful post today. In a nutshell, about an artist who is not a full time artist (Herself) who works other jobs, has a young son in highschool, always busy. She finds herself with an hour free and would naturally go the studio to work but felt an overwhelming desire to just sit on the couch with her son and enjoy a movie. I totally understand those feelings. When alone at home the studio is where I spend time. If John is home I want to be with him when his workday is over. It's hard sometimes but I also want to be a well rounded human being and not someone who only feels self worth when painting. It's a tough one. Hopefully we can stay in the moment and love the thing we are doing when we are doing it. Drugs have officially kicked in and I must close my eyes.

With three solid days in the studio guess what?

2012-01-05T06:40:00.000-08:00

Hello. The next three days were supposed to be in the studio and we came down with a head cold. I took two doses of Vicks PM poison spread out over roughly six hours with a guarantee of drying up my runny nose and other promises mainly a good nights sleep. Bull I say! I woke up during the night four - five times. Can you imagine? We dislike taking this crap in the first place but thought something must be done to get better quickly to get in the studio and what happens. The next five hours are spent waiting for the washing machine repair person and then we can go see a local witchdoc to get this spell taken off me.

By the way, we know that the planets have not been aligned for the past couple of days, we definitely know not to fuck with the planets. To be continued.

The image is a detail of an abstract from late 2011 on wood.

Constant Contact!

2012-01-03T18:38:00.000-08:00

Hello. At long last I've set up a Constant Contact mailing list. A bit of work but finally done and now it's just the maintenance of adding to the list.

This painting is new, my first almost completed in 2012. I've dedicated to my friend Jeanne Risica who passed away on December 31st 2010. I've always felt slightly uncomfortable about the phrase passed away - it does make sense, I guess. The "away" leaves it open - it sounds peaceful but it's just a word replacing died. Saying someone died is reality, seems more final and harsh. No matter how you say it reality it is.

Jeanne had a great sense of humor which I have gotten mostly second hand from my cousin Ron. They were very close and collaborated on paintings for many years. The last few years they went their own way creatively which was good for both. They made some beautiful work together and on their own as well. I bought a painting of Jeanne's from a studio sale for very little money, a one of a kind piece. It is mainly black, landscape format, on wood of a girl riding her bicycle upside-down. She mentioned that it was inspired from a dream - a special piece indeed.

Back to Constant Contact, I'm putting together a list of galleries to send announcements. One of those tricky yet necessary things with a guaranteed risk of rejection from most but just maybe there will be one who will look a little harder and see something. That's what we are hoping.

Remembering Jeanne Risica

2012-01-02T12:24:00.000-08:00

Hello. I wanted to remember Jeanne Risica who died last year on New Year's Eve. I am working on a new painting dedicated to Jeanne. This is a portrait of her and one of her paintings.

So the holidays are passed, wonderful and exhausting. They were quite social spent with family and friends and totally sober, happy to report.

I am getting a clear head about many things, painting and my goals going forward. I've been attacking a list of galleries across the country randomly picking cities and looking at the sites of galleries. It is quite easy to tell if at all appropriate so I am getting a good list together. John is helping me with Constant Contact to set up a mailing system which seems abstract to me right now but will be clearer once I send get going.

I will not entertain the thoughts that come up when I think about the fact that I should already have this stuff in work that would be to easy and not helpful. If this were the case I would already be familiar with constant contact and the ball would be rolling but again that is not helpful....Right??

Work is going well, I feel quite focused thinking abstractly - if you know me that makes sense. I've begun a large canvas 90"x90" approx., a group of small paintings roughly 19"x19" and then a medium sized one 34"x48" all abstract landscapes. I am trying to think of different things all at once to keep from getting bogged down in some idea. Crazy I know but it is less nuts in practice. Trying to stay focused on the mixing of color being the most important thing. Thinking about getting the paint to the canvas as quickly as possible. Thinking about different tools but always going back to the palette knife. Let me not forget the humble rag. Without the rag....lost.

I have been tweaking my site which I feel is better than ever. Personal yet to the point. My photography can always be better but even that has improved. I'm trying to make some short videos so I can join the youtube human race. I feel like I've missed the boat if I don't have some kind of video posted.

Later for now...I feel like 2012 is going to be a good year for blogging. I feel the need to get away from fb as it is a dangerous and inappropriate place to post ones true views and or feelings. fb in my hands can be a loaded canon and life is a battlefield quite enough thank you. Thank you gorgeous Pat Benetar.

Moving on.

2011-12-11T13:43:00.000-08:00

Hello. Yes December came in with a chill, Winter is here. This is one of my new paintings.

December came in with a chill

2011-12-01T20:32:00.000-08:00

Hello. So it is officially Winter. We have been amazingly fortunate regarding weather but alas it was very cold today and most likely here for a while.

I had an amazing studio visit yesterday with an Art Rep and her colleague. They both responded well to my large scale Abstract Landscapes. The representational work was not supposed to be part of the presentation but they did view quite a bit and responded positively as well. The Roses also moved them which they did not expect after seeing them on my site. The scale of the Roses is what they found appealing. That is a common reaction to that work. They were unanimous that I should continue with the large abstract work. It felt great hearing such strong feedback. I am being practical and making small work but I now feel justified in making large work as well.

I will start posting some new work on the blog, it has been a while. I also took sometime today to clean up my laptop, organizing and deleting files. It was cluttered with so much repetition. There is still more organizing but much better.

2011-11-15T10:47:00.001-08:00

http://jessicadeanerosner.com/

Saw de Kooning for my birthday.

2011-11-11T20:59:00.000-08:00

Hello. Yes I went to MOMA and saw The Master. That is not a stretch in any sense of the word. His bravura brushwork and brilliant decisions, I did not see one miss all hits. I don't care so much for the bronze figures but I did like the smaller versions as opposed to the large one I've seen which has bored me but I am sure I will grow to love it now. As I type I suddenly feel love for them... I've been put off by de Kooning sculpture because of an installation of a large figure in the center of town that is so bad the work looks like a hunk of black an afterthought stuck off to the side of a building in front of bushes anyway I need to move on. My ideal installation of a large de Kooning figure would be:

Grass is fine as long as it's tended, fifteen feet or more all around. It needs an open space, with room for it to have at least a couple of views with nothing but ground and sky as a backdrop and one view with ground, tree and sky. Someday I hope to see one installed properly...I'll look into it actually.

I've know a bit of de Kooning's work and of course have loved it but I was not expecting to feel such a connection and to see the huge influence He has had on my work. Looking at the work alone as I have not read anything about him really, just in relation to Pollack which is going to change there is a very good biography from a few years back I think. Yes. Anyway looking my work and process I have organically followed some of his approaches, methods. I can only say that I was humbled in the company of His paintings. Feeling the emotion, strength, incredible fluid decision making, and yet the underlying feeling I take away is freedom.

He must have been an animal, a stallion, a stag. I do look forward to getting to know Master de Kooning. I really can't believe the effect He has had on me. Being awe struck upon entering a room and turning to see paintings that took my breath away. Thrilled to be really moved, most importantly that's it. I haven't felt that way looking at work in a while granted I haven't really looked at work in a while which is going to change over this winter season. It inspired work and I will steal from him so happily...letting it happen. Freedom is my goal I knew it and have had glimpses of it and want that approach to be my method. It's about feeling comfortable with the tools, brush, rag, knife in my opinion, having them feel like an extension of my hand which comes more and more with age.

O O

tonight we shall see.

2011-11-08T16:25:00.000-08:00

Hello. I've had a good start in the studio after ending work at three. Just finished coat two of primer on canvas and thinking about what my next move is over coffee.

I wish I didn't post so hastily on fb it can be deadly. I put these rather opinionated posts up then feel bad and take them down. I also put optimistic posts up and that is good, mostly art related. My negative posts aren't untrue just not really necessary in this grim world we live in. Unless they are about living politicians with a small "p" who are bad. Then all bests are off and I will nail you to the cross with your bad moves. I'm just posting what is already known anyway along with my two cents. Wait a minute five cents. I won't be short changed on my own blog. For Jesus Christ sakes.He's not the Lord so I can take his name in vain.

Anyway I digress, Painting is a challenge today, maybe I'm tired and out of ideas for the night. May try to push some paint around after doing an errand, maybe before. I like what I'm doing but I haven't felt WOWED yet. Maybe it will not happen with every painting. Lot's of pressure to put on a piece of cloth and color. Oh and did I mention my shoulders.

I do hold out hope that all of my paintings will have something extra. The group I am currently thinking about are abstract landscapes. I feel they are not finished but what is left to do is not something I wish, at this moment anyway to do hastily. I find I am really looking and waiting to see what is next for them. Imagery is out I want them to stand on their own. There is a voice in my head telling me from time to time when I am making paintings like these that I need to step back into 2011 and out of the Nineteen Thirties - Forties. Again I say I can only make the paintings I am making.

opted to listen to liberal TV instead of the studio.

2011-11-08T06:08:00.000-08:00

Hello. Yes I felt a bit tired for the studio and after a groin pull yesterday I need to rest. Tomorrow will be a better day for it. I work till 3pm and then in the studio for the night. Lucky me.

I'm prepping some small wood panels and also canvas panels, good busy work between painting. The new work is interesting I feel, the first session ended on a good note. I was thinking the other day that if someone else were to pick up where I left off with these paintings I think they would have a good starting point. There is nothing so definite that they couldn't be one thing or another yet because of the rich earth tones they bring one back to landscape. I love them but.....

When I read criticism of painting, writers analyzing work comparing one thing or artist to another and giving a thumbs up or down it makes me question what and why I'm doing what I'm doing, how I'm doing it and everything else. At first I was horrified but then had a moment of clarity.

I SHOULD be thinking about the process of picture making, making good paintings and not paintings that bore ME or just painting to paint even though paintings do come from painting. Of course I can only make the paintings that I make but I can also think and make them better by letting go, being fearless. Whatever that means in the moment. Maybe the thoughts amount to nothing or if I'm lucky become a title. I like that idea.

What really came to mind when I read this critique of a painter was how I've been so strongly influenced by different American painters of the past century and I feel nervous that I don't justify it, my making it my own.....enough. In my heart I feel I am making it my own and asking the questions during the process and that is all I can do. I can't control how others may see/interpret them. Damn those others. Kidding.

I caught the beginning of The Hours the other night and I didn't like that movie as much as every other human when it came out but I certainly gave it more of a chance this time. There was some amazing acting and even with the annoying prosthetic nose on Kidman I found it quite interesting. The moment when the opening line to Mrs. Dallaway comes to her is incredible. I'd never really thought about that process and I'm sure it's different for every writer but to really begin at the beginning and not go forward till the first line is right, amazing. In a way held like a prisoner till it's figured out but then freed to move on.

Painting can be quite similar in that the first mark is what sets you up for what is to come. Not that things can't get rubbed out and change completely but that first mark is always there influencing what is to come.

To be continued.

thinking about scale.

2011-11-01T15:22:00.000-07:00

Hello. I am just about finished with a new Grass painting and this kind of work is very labor intensive for an artist that just wants to move on. I really am just about finished but it is just in time because I'm so weary of it. After a while I don't see what I'm looking at but that could also be well...what's the point of going there.

So I am getting ready to move on thinking about the process and seeing that the only way to make a large body of work is to keep it simple, of course go where it leads me but think abstractly for a while. It is much more fun on some levels and requires me anyway to let go, think of color and how fast I can get the paint on the canvas.

On another note I am so tired of feeling like I have to censor myself. I run the risk of offending but when talking about Separation of Church and State I must be firm. I posted a link to a story on fb about this guy wanting to make the USA motto In God We Trust. I was made aware that the country already has a motto E Pluribus Unum, Which translates, "Out of Many, One" This thought is beautiful and offensive to none. I can't believe the distractions people are capable of when the country has such incredible problems. It all reeks of racism in my eyes, racism in the name of religion.

So back to work and feeling like a guardian of my artistic child. I've realized that I have to treat my inner child with kid gloves because there are those out there that don't think. Period. It is not their job to take care of me but a little thoughtfulness goes a long way. Then there is John who does think of my well being and I see how lucky and loved I am.

I don't mean to sound like a whiner anyone who knows me knows that is not me. We all need to be treated gently. This world is made harsh by mankind and any and everyone is at risk of feeling hurt. We have to take care of each other I guess.

I'm going to get back to painting.

Weening myself off facebook

2011-11-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

Hello. Yes I am only putting political post up on fb going forward. I've discovered it can be a dangerous place for people like me. I run the risk of saying things I don't really mean and then it's to late. This venue is not much different but at least it's mine and I can delete (in theory anyway) when I find something that horrifies me.

Life and Art

2011-10-25T11:27:00.001-07:00

Hello. I accidentally stumbled on an old post of mine and was horrified at how stupid I sound. I guess it's time to go through and hit delete.

Thoughts about art and life.

2011-10-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

Hello. Just in the studio after a visit with Mom. Back to work on a new grass painting that I am handling very mechanically with tape and thinking about the layers of color what is in front of what. Today I am going to move quickly as I have to see if this approach is going to work. Thinking about how I go from abstract to representational on a whim form painting to painting and how some people in the biz think it's not wise. That you have to pick a lane and stay in it.

To them I really have to say fuck you. You are wrong. Pardon me I mean that with love and I have to respect and honor my dedication to painting for all these years.

Thoughts about art, life and the day-to-day grind?

2011-10-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

Hello. Just about to leave the studio and head to bed. It's been productive but I could live with out what I've done. I guess it will led somewhere of course it will lead somewhere. It's exhausting for sure and feels like picture making but that is what I do, I make pictures.

I'm disappointed with the lack of coverage of Robert Loughlin's life/death. After receiving the book in the mail today and being impressed with the beautiful look of it. It's a great catalog and I think maybe just a beginning of what could have been a prolific creative life. Maybe He always knew it would be a tragic ending. He came to painting late for most people that is in 1980. I think that's when He started painting. What I've seen of the early paintings draws me in. Anyway Goodnight.

Artists Life, thoughts about art, life and finding gratitude.

2011-10-01T11:44:00.000-07:00

Hello. I took my title away but did not want to forget it. The image is the art of Robert Loughlin who was tragically killed on a NJ thoroughfare on September 29th. I think it was the 29th. I discovered this while goggling him to see how his work was doing. I do this form time to time but had not done it in a while as my work of his has been stored in my apartment and out of sight sometimes means out of mind. Anyway, while goggling I discovered that had been a book published and very excited about that i ordered it and then put in some other search words and up came a new post "Robert Loughlin dead at 62" It was an amazing coincidence and one that I will never forget. So I've thought of little else and have had email correspondence with his lover Gary Carlson of thirty-one years which was a wonderful sweet surprise.

This image is on a lampshade that I have, here is a link to his obituary.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/09/29/ap/extras/main20113218.shtml

There was so much to this man and I knew so little but I guess that is the way it is sometimes.

This rose also sold...

2011-09-27T14:33:00.000-07:00

Hello. Yes this Rose called Rose Lavender 1 sold. It is 40"x38" and got a lot of attention as it is a dramatic piece but when someone said I want it that was a moment. I will install it for this person this week. Look forward to seeing it up. Lucky me.

Two other paintings purchased by one person.

2011-09-27T14:30:00.000-07:00

Hello. Yes these two were purchased by one person. Another thrilling moment as the rose is one of my favorites and being a new painting it's extra special that someone liked it. We spoke and she said something that really resonated with me and the painting. An incredible moment which I think was a first really. All I can ask for are more of those.

This new blog layout is not making me happy maybe I will get used to it.

Back to life with the fair behind me...

2011-09-27T14:22:00.000-07:00

Hello. Yes I am back in the country after a week in the city working the Affordable Art Fair. I did sell six paintings which was a huge surprise. A large rose and a large abstract and four other smaller works around 20x20. Yes I am very happy. The beginning of the fair was bleak and overall not very well attended so the fact that I had six sales was nothing short of great. It leads me to think that if we had huge crowds I would have done very well indeed. These three paintings the yellow one, 44"x40" the other two, 20"x20" were purchased by one person. What a great moment that was. The Yellow one is recent and was kind of an experiment in Yellow a color I've stayed away from but now certainly embrace. So many people have responded positively to this Yellow Abstract Landscape it amazes and thrills me. The other two are also favorites of mine and will be missed I must say.

Affordable Art Fair link

2011-09-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

http://www.affordableartfair.us/newyorkcity/exhibit.php?fair=20112&exhibit=479&artist=3383

Hello. This is the link to my page with Surface Library Gallery. Very excited also crazy with preparations. What else is new??

Greetings!!!

2011-09-06T05:49:00.000-07:00

http://www.affordableartfair.us/newyorkcity/exhibit.php?fair=20112&exhibit=479&artist=3383

I do not have a much of a presence on the Internet.

2011-08-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

Hello. I realize this with much regret. I also realize I must update my site which has links that go no where...to my surprise well not really I guess. When I finally sit to write something I feel I should be doing something else but the body is telling me no.

A lot has been happening, last week I had five pieces and sold two at this event called The 65th Annual Clothesline Show at Guild Hall in EH, benefiting Guild Hall. Also in the midst of preparing for the Affordable Art Fair again this September. Last year was a bust this year will hopefully bring pleasant surprises. I think the work is salable, so I'm told by more than one and there will be canvases sized for every wallet hopefully a lot of it. I sound like a machine what I want to be right now. Tomorrow night starts my time in the studio for a few consecutive days..just in time. James Kennedy and Bob Bachler of Surface Library Gallery asked me to join their booth at the fair. and I will be showing with Barbara Groot an East End painter at the Fair.

I needed a break I guess that's what they say. I don't really ever want a break I'd like to work full-time like a worker rat in the studio. It's fun being below ground in a space that I feel so lucky to have...I've out-grown it. That is of course nonsense selling work is the way to keep the studio orderly, making more room for new work. Moving the shit around quite literally all the time.

I have a new and final (for a while) large painting to make and then it is smaller work. Thirty-six by thirty-six the largest even 40"x40" seems large. The new one which will be around 86"x86" is a copy of one that I may have sold. I have to prepare as it is one of my favorite paintings and I think my best so I need to have another version and then some smaller versions. The perfect painting for me to attempt to copy. It's all patches of color that work well with a lot of white ground. I call it Pacific Coast from 2010, an abstract landscape. Everyone responds with admiration for this painting so I think making it smaller will satisfy many things. I will not really have to part with it so soon and I might make some good work. So many beautiful colors to match and create a space with. At the end of the day it's all work some is just a little more unusual and interesting.

Well almost missed July. Today is a day shy of being away from my blog for a month.

2011-07-19T18:45:00.000-07:00

Hello. Been busy and nothings changing for the immediate future through September. I'm preparing for a Studio Tour this weekend Sat. July 23rd and Sunday the 24th then the Affordable Art Fair in September with Surface Library Gallery.

Now I am back to work in the studio. Hope to be back to the blog sooner. I have a few days to work undisturbed so I have the feeling I will be back. Listening to Great and Crappy radio this station goes from a Rock/Pop Classic to Bangles, Eternal Flame. Lucky me.

Almost missed June.

2011-06-20T14:28:00.000-07:00

Hello. Here we are June 20th and this is my first June post. In the studio tonight beginning work on one of four new paintings. Revisiting an old theme with fresh eyes. It is a subject that has sold a few paintings and one that I still find interesting so lucky me.

I'm really out of sorts about the former NY Giants jerk David Tyree coming out against Gay Marriage. This is a former imprisoned drug dealer born again Christian. What gives some people the right to think they know the way outside of ignorance. My fifty year old ass is really trying to not have a meltdown and then something like this asshole comes along. He had the nerve to say that he would give back his career if it would guarantee that gays would never have the right to marriage. What a stupid jerk. Empty promises jerk-face. This has the potential to bring me down...and I'm working on being optimistic.

I also found out, from not hearing anything as is the way with these things that I did not get a certain bit of recognition regarding my work. I will not go into the details except to say that it is a big deal. Of course in my head I knew that it would not happen. I did have hopes of course or I would not have entered but I was crazy to entertain any hopes of winning. There is the distinct possibility that my work is just mediocre and accepting this would be the first step to moving on.

I've recently seen a doctor and had some blood work done to find out that I am deficient in Vitamin D and have high thyroid level, whatever that means. I will not get on medications if there is a chance of fixing the problem with diet which is the plan. Evidently low vitamin D can result in depression among other things so there it is. Of course my issues stem from more than a lack of vitamin D. Lord knows that and I'm not at ALL religious.

I'm so fed up with people who wish to impose their narrow minded beliefs on others.

That is all for today. Enough don't you think?

Tuesday after the holiday.

2011-05-31T14:24:00.000-07:00

I think it's so groovy now that people are finally gettin together. Hello. I'm in East Hampton and it is considerably quieter after the weekend. Tonight I will go in the studio and get re-aquainted after an absence of a couple of days. Honestly I'm so exhausted that The French Open and then bed sound really good but I should be working. This is one of my more boring posts because I really don't feel like discussing what I should be discussing. That's that. I just want to eat large quantities of anything bad for me. But instead I'll have a pear and then a coffee.

Why do people, men and women leave their cars running? My hours are cut pretty drastically for the summer down to Monday or Tuesday and that is a good thing because more and more people are leaving the ignition on while shopping and it drives me nuts.

Life can hand you lemons....

2011-05-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

Hello. I try to make lemonade but sometimes things just go wrong. I snapped at a friend today after an unfortunate incident with the toilet in our hallway. It got backed up and was overflowing everywhere and I snapped. I apologized but it was not nice or at all helpful. He was very gracious and said don't think about it but still it was not very nice and not at all the way I want to behave.

Anyway as payback the water which was clean water by the way went through the floor and down to my studio where I never leave my camera open but yesterday I did and it has water damage and may be done. There was also paper on top of my studio table and it all got wet and most ruined. I am sad and a bit tired but other than that clean and content. I should just go to sleep for the night. I think I will take a serious nap right now as a matter of fact.

I'm here.....

2011-05-26T14:24:00.000-07:00

Hello, Yes I am in the studio taking down finished paintings and stapling up new canvas to prep/prime. My large 96"x96" panels two to be exact and this point in time and they are stretched amazingly well if I do say so. It seems they get better each time and at my age with the physicality of the job that's something. Feeling up to the work and also encouraged by what is happening creatively.

Have taken down four 44"x40" (approx.) canvases at a point when they were really fresh. I've said all I wanted to say. They are abstract and strong I think so that is good news. Good things come out of an emotional roller coaster ride. The story of my life. The paintings began with a solid rubbed out ground on top of which contrasting color was very energetically rubbed on using a variety of implements and some brushes. They happen quickly and this time I really went by the seat of my pants and it was scary. But good things happen when you put your shit out there and take a chance. Personally speaking of course. For me the whole idea or process of an abstract painting is emotion and feeling. I mean really when you think about it "a child could do it" so what is so special? The only thing special I feel that I have to offer is the f'd up crap that is going on in my very sensitive head, for fifty-one years. Being a painter and being desirous of making this kind of work if I question, I'm dead. For me the mark has to come from a place of feeling and vulnerability. Of course I try not to think about it that much. Just keep moving.

What's the Woody Allen joke? "Relationships are like a shark they have to keep moving to survive. And what we've got here folks is a dead shark" Something like that. Genius! From Annie Hall.

Well I am off and I'm not editing so I do hope this sounds clear and not like the ramblings of a nut. A good friend sent me her blog post and inspired me to go to my blog which is something I would love to do more regularly.

I have one thing to say....Beethoven's Violin Concertos? OMG if I can speak like the children.

Listening to Beethoven and continually amazed.

2011-05-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

Hello. Yes at the store, having had a productive day cleaning the place and preparing for a weekend event now unwinding with a cup of coffee and Beethoven. Classical music has been my music of choice lately for many reasons. Its beauty, variety, for two. There is a Beethoven station yes devoted to only Mr. B. He really set the bar high for future musicians. Listening to his piano concertos I guess they are called is amazing as they do not sound saccharin like piano can so easily sound, just beautiful, pure and so sophisticated like the original deal. That sounds stupid but it's my blog. Don't know how long He lived, thirty-seven stands out as an age in His life. Maybe He was deaf at thirty-seven to think there was a period when he could not even hear his compositions. I think it was earlier, maybe He was dead at thirty-seven. Incredible!

So moving on, the world and the politics of the world are something that I have turned a deaf ear to. Of course I hear things and listen when necessary and I miss Rachel Madow and Chris Matthews but my plate is full and the news does not improve. It gets my fur up when I hear the things that going on and the fighting between parties and the lies being told to the people by rich men so I have to tune it out.

Things are moving forward in the studio which is a source of pleasure. It certainly beats that other old story of pain, confusion and doubt. If you have a little time I'm sure we can play that old song. Seriously though things do make sense creatively speaking. Maybe it's the time spent working, as in age. I've been at it a long time. My mother told me to be happy the other day over the phone. It really stayed with me as one of the most caring things a mother can say, I was filled with such gratitude. I've still yet to mention to her how powerful it was to hear that. I am certainly cut from the same cloth as Mom, we both carry a lot of sadness and it is in our power to let it take over or to see it for what it is, a feeling. It doesn't have to totally identify us. I have been making some changes in my life small personal things that are helping immensely with my mood.

WE are delicate flowers and I'm an orchid if you get my meaning. Not to flatter myself in any way just to say that I am a pain in the ass and desirous of a lot of attention. I'm a messy orchid on the shelf at K-Mart waiting for someone to take care of me. Feeling less needy is empowering and certainly a bit more attractive. BTW if I can talk like the children, I woke up at fifty and realized that I am not the person I thought I would like to be. I've lived in the minute my whole life, that can be good but there is a point when thinking about the future is the adult thing to do. I'm not talking about money I'm referring to the mind and positive thinking. Like right now I could go and buy a bag of potato chips, eat the whole thing but instead I'm going to eat a grapefruit which I will certainly enjoy and feel monumentally better after the fact. It's called self-care and for me being responsible.

What has any of this to do with art? Nothing and everything is my answer.

The grapefruit was delicious by the way.

Been away, but not far.

2011-05-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

Hello. Yes life has been full and it's easy to forget how important writing a few lines can be. I'm working on some new paintings that incorporate trees painted from my imagination. Watch out. It is a lot of fun seeing things appear and using all of the stored memory of what a tree looks like and letting it happen. The mind is a powerful thing and in spite of the mission of my youth to break it down it still shows up for me.

Two couples came to my studio recently, visits that may result in the sales of work. It seems like a lot of pending things that will happen if they were meant to.

Looking at some online news and one story in particular of this in-mate who may have given some info as to the where abouts of a missing girl from many years ago. The very short article ended with the killing of another girl by a fellow sociopath, the girls body was found in a field. It just ended like that - her slain body was found.... It really had an effect on me, the thought of the poor girls last moments alive. What makes someone do such a horrible thing and the horror and pain of the victim is beyond anything imaginable. I know it's grim and I don't know the victim but maybe thinking about her w/o knowing her keeps her memory alive.

Horrible stories have the potential to move you in many ways and help you to see how precious time is. So tonight in the studio nature will prevail, nature and the beauty of color.

Get the fgocus on the work

2011-05-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

Hello. It has not even happened yet and I'm already reeling from the emotions of rejection regarding my work. Reeling may be strong, let's say we're on the bitter bus and it's sad...a very sad bus ride indeed. The chance of "winning" is slimmer than, let's see...ten count'em ten customers walking into my store before closing. Yes business is for crap. You might be thinking with that negative energy who would want to shop there? But let me tell you like most good addicts I conceal things very well. On the outside things look together, clean inviting (business is lousy all over) but my insides are festering. Again maybe harsh and for shock and entertainment but it is a sad lot inside......me. I feel good about the work and then the rejection that hasn't even happened yet makes me doubt almost all of it. I will get it together, pick myself up dust off and start all over again.

It gets a little old repeated up and down roller coaster ride called creating as you no doubt know but what is the alternative when you've invested so much already. I'm in it for the long haul.

With so many distractions in the course of the day it is so easy to forget what is most important. The answer of course being people then art. Art being a very close second. Working on some new ideas and it is easy to forget what I do when doing something other than art. namely running a store. New things are happening creatively and apprehension can come up around just about anything and can overwhelm...make it easy not to see where the feelings come from and what they are about. I need to take extra special care of myself these days for that reason.

The world is also especially grim these days with the killing of Osama Bin Laden. I feel little if any remorse for a sociopath but the idea of having to see images to satisfy a morbid curiosity is way to much for me. I am so proud of the President for making the decision to not release the images. If Bush were President they would have been on the cover of every paper in the world right now and we would be fueling more hatred for Americans then ever and just a matter of time before bad things happen.

It's all a distraction but it is life and there is a need to stay in touch but there are things we don't need to know. Things that are better not knowing.

An aside. I read someone's post on facebook and it could have easily have been mine. I want to make an effort to avoid making comments that are fueled by anxiety or negative thinking because they sound terrible. This person said something sounding bloodthirsty about bin laden and a person commented sounding even more bloodthirsty. I do not want that garbage in my life, don't want to think of it. I'm trying some new ways of doing things on many levels. Trying to eat slower and not treat a meal as something to get through. I love food and inhale and get on with work. Mealtime should be a time when we slow down and be with each other. It is challenging as there is soooo much to do but that is always the story and it is healthier to slow down.

I want to badly to be able to immerse myself in my art and think of little else for a period. I feel more focused than ever right now so I must take advantage. Art is beauty and it is what I want.

Here we are again.

2011-05-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

Hello. The planets are still not aligned for Scorpio. This does not bode well for me but I choose to say, Planets, get out of my way. I've to much to do to let that stop me. The saying you can't fight a tidal wave is true but today I will fight the planets.

I started some new drawing for paintings last night, ending the night at midnight updating my site, tweaking it, cleaning it up. It seems that I am always doing this but in reality it gets better each time and I think this is the best to date. Looking crunchy in any way is out. Sophistication. Well as much as possible given who we are talking about is what I'm after. You gotta have a gimmick....

No judgment! The new drawings really have potential, feel like I'm on fire. Got a late start in the studio after work and dinner and opted to sit at the table and draw. Working large sitting down is not the most comfortable but it turned out to be a good decision. Rotating the drawing while working made it easier.

The studio seems damp and not conducive to primer drying it's like they are sweating. Does anyone else have my issues? What do you do to fix these things when you are running the show yourself? At my age I have answers certainly but other insight may be helpful.

Monday Monday

2011-05-02T14:40:00.000-07:00

Hello. I'm making a conscious effort to keep the negative thinking at a minimum. With the nasty Republican politicians and the terrible things happening in the world it is so easy to go down that road. There is a lot to be positive about. I've had two good studio visits over the weekend that might result in sales one of my most recent work which is always validating. People are reacting very well to my new work what could be better.

This image is a new small painting that was going to be submitted to a local juried show but I went with another choice. You can't predict what will work and often I feel after the fact that I should have stuck with my gut but there is it.

Positive thinking. I've been following this woman's site, she reads cards and gives some positive words and also gives horoscope readings and advice regarding the moon and planets. Today was a very unfavorable day for Scorpio. Knowing that I could turn it around and buck the system which so far is what I have been able to do. Go Mary Anne!!!!

With all of the hardship in the world I don't want to complain but....

2011-04-28T20:07:00.000-07:00

Hello. No I do not wish to complain but the reality is I'm in a bit of a minor crisis. I have one of my more important deadlines coming up and along with that deadline I wanted my site updated. Suddenly I am unable to upload my site changes. This has never happened so in the scheme of things life is not bad but did it have to pick this week to fuck with me? That is why I have the adult warning to be able to say fuck. I'm trying to curb that behavior and edit myself but not tonight. So go to bed children, this is adult time.

Oh and did I mention that today my day off, the beginning of three days off to get lots done in the studio I awoke with a nasty sore throat. It has progressed to lack of energy and and all around useless feeling. So here I am venting on the blog. I did work on my Artist Statement this morning and I haven't looked at it since noon but I think it is close so it has not been a total waste of time. I just had high expectations and they were dashed. Yes it could be worse I could live in Alabama and have no home but Mary let me tell you if things don't change I'll be living in EH w/o a home so what's the difference. OK that's not accurate but it feels like it sometimes. If your reading this MOM don't worry I won't be homeless.

How did I get this old and lately round around the middle. I want my old body back!!! Rather young body. I'd be happy with last years body. I saw a photo that my Acupuncturist took of my back with needles and I was a lean machine. What the fuck happened? Something has to give. I've been obsessing on this for a while and things are not changing. We've had company two weekends in a row and they bring all of this food that is fattening and then leave, leaving all of the crap. Yes I'm 51 and I have been able to say that I have the same body that I had when I was twenty something. Key words "have been", not anymore. Maybe I did something bad and I'm paying for it. It's all relative and many would say shut up you are not fat and to them I say for me I am fat. Thank you very much. John agrees with me too. He doesn't have to say anything. I hate everyone this second. OK it's passed. I will get my shit together and deal with this issue. Tomorrow.

On another note my painting seems great I don't want to jinx anything but the studio seems to be agreeing with me. OK so I am off. Hope I didn't bring you down. Did I mention that I have a sore throat and I'm sitting in bed with a scarf around my neck. Pathetic!

I wonder why...

2011-04-19T15:12:00.000-07:00

Hello. Yes I wonder about many things. I did have my studio visit yesterday and it was great. I received advice from someone I respect and I have some clear direction going forward. I will keep her up to date with work that is in keeping with what she gravitated to and we shall see. I don't know what I expected to come from it. I was exhausted leading up to it and was feeling pretty low actually but in spite of me she liked the work. She was drawn to pieces that I really like and that felt great. She has a good eye and there was no bullshit. I heard nothing negative, she got me to see where I might focus my energy for good results. It was quite invaluable actually.

The image shown is one that she liked as far as my abstract work goes. I was quite surprised as I thought she gravitated to representational so that was a great surprise. It is also one of my favorite little abstracts of mine. We all need a little validation.

I've been cranking away and I've made a small painting to submit to this annual show out here. It's the third time I've been in this show and this year is the year that I don't look at my submission and wince. In the past I didn't plan for the show I just submitted what was available. This time I made something specifically for the show in keeping with what I'm doing now and I love the little painting.

Be careful what you wish for...

2011-04-15T11:26:00.000-07:00

My wish for a rather important studio visit has been scheduled. It is this coming Monday the 18th. More to come.

What is more important than art?

2011-04-07T18:07:00.000-07:00

How's that for a silly question. Of course many things are more important than "Art". Life for instance, people, animals yes life is more important. But I would not want to be here without art. I guess if we did not know about art we would not miss it. What am I talking about? I guess what I'm thinking is that I am consumed with art and painting in particular. I'm great at looking at art and knowing what's good, as arrogant as that sounds. And I'm somewhat good at making art...it's life that I suck at if I may be so rude.

I am on a mission like never before to try and sell my work. I'm sending out a mailing that I will be adding to on a weekly basis and doing whatever I can going forward to get my work out. I'm looking at the weekly listings of property buyers which are listed in the local papers for the public viewing. The idea is that they may be shopping for art? It's a plan.

Of course there are voices in my head telling me that I have to do some work in order to sell work. All nuts by the way I do have a full body of work to look at. I have been away from the studio for a month plus working in my store so the work feels alien to me. All just feelings. So I am moving on form them. Tomorrow, Friday I have the day off and Saturday and Sunday so I have some time in the studio to get busy.

On a different note what is going on with the government today is out of control. I'm listening to the radio and they are saying it costs tens of millions of dollars to shut down the government and the same to start it up again.

I should go down to the studio but I'm tired after a long day and it is cold and would have to be wormed up and it's nine thirty. So call me lazy but it seems to late to start.

As an aside can I just say that I intensely dislike the Teaparty and everything that they stand for.

Fear of many things but not giving up

2011-03-29T18:51:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of the Rocky Mountains that I took with John a few years ago. Amazing to think of how powerful nature is and yet us little humans can bring her to her knees. When will we learn? I fear never as there is to much money to be made by turning a blind eye. I have to strive to think of ways to live and reduce my footprint. That is something we can all do. Face the challenge of not buying bottled water when we can turn on our tap and guess what? Surprise, out comes pure drinking water. Wow! A beginning.

Hello. The past two nights have been challenging to say the least. The good news is that I am here and documenting my feelings. I have been receiving daily letters from a woman who reads Taro cards and Horoscopes, a healthy addition to my day. I know little about cards or the effect of the moons in relation to my life. Reading these daily words has been helpful in keeping me grounded and hopefully kinder and gentler to all involved. I'm thinking about the moon which is more than I did a week ago. I wish I hadn't waited so long. It is fascinating and coincidentally I'm in sink with the moon or however you would word it. All I know is when she said it was a pretty bad time for Scorpio it was a good call.

I had not one idea in my head last night and what did I do? I wasted two plus hours uploading other's paintings on fb. I realize that most things that I do turn compulsive this can be good or not so good. I love looking at paintings on the Internet but what good is it doing me uploading them to fb. Outside of the fact that I am bringing art to the attention of some people who may not have art in their lives. Well that is one answer...it is a good thing. I love finding that next great painting and it may touch someone when they need it.

What I want to do is take care of Me, not get so obsessed with posting fifty images, limit it to five and pick an artist. That does sound much more manageable. It is the addict in me that goes overboard and then crashes. Baby steps. My normal behavior is Dive in, take Giant steps, Burn hard Die young. The good news is that I've managed to survive and have this insight into healthier living. I really do want to take better care of myself. I am a delicate flower and I can so easily forget.

So I have been floundering with my small painting ideas for a commission. I will persevere and things will happen. I am pushing the gouache around and making some progress I guess maybe seeing the direction that I don't wish to go in. So it is not a waste of time. Like usual it is easy to judge before even beginning. Old habits die hard.

I've found some very exciting painters out there many young, some that are my age or older. These have a quality about them that the younger painters don't quite have. Not good not bad just an observation. For me a welcome observation as I can easily feel passed it when looking at the exciting painting that people born in 1970 can produce or later for that matter. How lucky for them to be young without inhibitions and have a paint bush in your hands. I feel it is a very exciting time for painting. With the likes of Ken Dorn, Saebyeok Shin (very young and all about painting) Ann Craven, Robert Zandvliet, Leslie Vance, Kristine Moran, Tim McFarlane. The list goes on and on so many beautiful visions making me see the possibilities. I used to feel nervous about looking a great work, it made me think I have nothing to offer. I love to paint so I can't buy into that negative thinking. I have to look at what is happening to be part of the conversation even if it is absolutely a one way conversation.

It gets back to the basics of why I do it. I can't kid myself and say that it is my job. I wish I could but the reality is I can't sell paintings frequently enough to say it's my job. Maybe that will never happen. I can't let that stop me from making work...at this point it's a bit late. My goal is and always has been to make work and sell.

Life and winter has been draining this year and I'm chalking what I'm going through up to that, winter and life. Soon I will be moving forward getting my studio together for a studio visit and back to regular work in the studio. I will be reducing my hours in the store in mid-April which will allow me more time in the studio during the day. Things will turn around then. The good news is that I've been exercising on a regular basis so physically I will be in great shape around the time that my mind will be getting healthier. Working in sink with myself. It's all about believing.

When I think about the mess that the world is in with catastrophic weather, nuclear fallout, plastic killing our oceans and people killing each other all I can do is take care of myself. Only then will I have anything to offer anyone else.

Last night I had dinner with my neighbor.

2011-03-28T04:43:00.000-07:00

Hello. Yes last night I had a quick dinner with my neighbor and a couple of her friends that just came in from the city. A gentleman named Jean-Louie who owns Chez Josephine in the city and another friend named Nicci ??? Anyway it was a nice dinner very quick as we all had planned to go our separate ways and watch Mildred Pierce at nine pm. So of course Katy mentioned that I am a painter and we talked about me and the store and some other things and it was a pleasure all for about an hour. Perfect!

Jean-Louie left first and as we were getting our coats on standing in front of the refrigerator talking our attention was on a botanical, a reproduction about 5"x7" reduced from 18"x14" or so. It was of a little clump of violets on the lower left and then a larger clump of echinacea to the right. A story of a caterpillar turning into a moth. This particular caterpillar only eats the violet and then when it transforms into a moth moves on to echinacia. It was a watercolor and a most beautiful of botanical. As it turns out this woman Nicci was the artist. (the botanical shown is not Nicci's she doesn't have a website.)

She is in her mid fifties I would guess. I was overwhelmed by the fact that nothing was mentioned of her ability to paint. I still am quite emotional over the fact that someone so talented did not even mention when we were discussing that I am a painter, she did not say "Oh I am a painter as well" This woman is a painter. She has not painted in over a year due to life and work I gather. She regretted that she hasn't and feared being able to do it again. I told her that she must.

Meanwhile I came home with plans of working and could not even look at what I'm doing after that experience. I am still very emotional as I could not believe her modesty in that setting. Almost all artists would have in that moment said that they are painters as well. She being a true talent, amazing ability and emotion said nothing about herself just listened to me.

Truthfully I know the energy it takes to produce that kind of work and it is not what I wish to do even if I could slow the pace down and strive towards that. And thinking about it I think that I have some capability if I were to "key words" slow down and strive towards that outcome. I don't know why I still feel so emotional, my eyes are all watery. I guess I'm tired and looking at my work I feel like a fraud after seeing her amazing skill and humility. Here I am working like crazy and wanting attention, wanting to sell. Finding it really tough to stay focused. Cranking these little paintings out, ideas that I'm just going with, repetitive drawings of scribbly lines that one might think came from an insane person.

I may not be an addict in every way in "action" but I certainly am in "thinking" what I mean is I want immediate gratification all the time. I work I want to be noticed, I write a blog post I want everyone to read it, I do anything and I want some kind of reward for it. It's all addict thinking. I am going to strive to get out of that mindset. Just now I was thinking I have to start trying to link up my blog more. All about me being noticed. It is foolish and a waste of time.

What am I doing this for? If I am not doing it for myself than it is a waste on many levels. I am going to work on getting the focus back on myself but in healthier ways. The focus back on myself, thinking of others and how I treat them. It's so easy for me to get wrapped up in my art which is self absorbed as it is but I need to keep it in proper prospective. Where did those words come from, proper prospective. Anyway, I feel better.

I do understand that my work is worthwhile and that feeling what I am feeling is natural after such an encounter. Also that I am doing things that are totally new, taking chances and there is usually fear involved in taking this kind of chance so I feel apprehensive. But I need to keep plugging on, taking chances, allowing myself to be childish and see where it goes. As usual I am the first to judge something before I even get out of the running gate.

OK enough said, I am going to try to be gentle today and keep the focus on kindness.

Here I am, life is full.

2011-03-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

Hello. I have been away since March 9th and my plan is to post more regularly, oh well no pressure. My good friends out in EH are closing their gallery Surface Library Gallery and it will be missed in the community. Times are really hard and art is the first thing most people will stop buying. I mean lets face it we can all live without art....but we wouldn't want to.

This image is Springs where I live. Not "The Springs" they just refer to it as Springs. It used to annoy me but really I need to get over myself. The reason I posted it is because I need to have a little gratitude for living minutes away from such a beautiful spot when I think about the world today and how vulnerable we all are because of what we've created on this planet.

I am working on a commission for good friends. At this point it is in the drawing, planning stage and I am having some fun. Tonight is Friday night, I have tomorrow off so it is great to have a chunk of time to work.

The store is doing a bit better, sales are still down as the season has not begun but soon things will improve. I showed the house today as we are renting a month this summer and it looks like July to a couple with two children. They come with good references which is very important as well I don't need to explain that. I will lose my studio for a month and not be able to participate in the summer studio tour, unless I do it from where we will be staying which is certainly an option. We shall see.

My studio visit has been moved to early April which is better for both of us and even then I have so much to do in preparation but it will come together. Anyway, I just wanted to check in and be counted. I've been posting artwork on my fb page pretty constantly. Not mine, others art which I've been scouring the Internet. It is a blast looking for paintings. See you later.

Some new work

2011-03-09T11:03:00.000-08:00

Hello. Wanted to post one of my new efforts. I am still working on it so it will change and hopefully improve. It is a large one and I am loving its "pretty" quality. The one on the right is older but I just did some last bit work on it and call it finished quite happily.

I am very pleased with this post as they as similar in size and reproduced well and all that jazz. Later.

In the studio and exhausted but...

2011-03-04T15:00:00.000-08:00

Hello. Just checking in as I need to get to work. I'm really physically exhausted but time is ticking away and I need to plug away. This is a new one form my rose series. Actually the image on the left is old the one on the right is what it looks like now.

I actually like both looks but things change. Later.

In the studio tonight

2011-03-02T18:00:00.000-08:00

Hello. With so much controversy in the world it is hard to think of art but that is what I must do. I need to turn news off and put music on. Not really in the mood but that is what must be done. There done. OK. So I am reworking a small painting and starting a new drawing. That is exciting usually but tonight it is work. Once I get going it will be good.

The President honored many artists today and one was a favorite of mine Joyce Carol Oates. Mind you I've only read a small bit of her work. An excerpt from "A Widow's Story" That was enough to make me a fan. I was quite moved by the personal telling of her grief.

So the news is over the music has begun and so must I. Until later.

Accomplished something new tonight.

2011-02-26T20:36:00.000-08:00

Hello. Yes I did accomplish something new tonight. I'm working differently and it is keeping me inspired. Drawing again for the first time in a while. Working on the Rose idea. I know it's crazy but I'm having a blast. Throwing rose studies on top of failed abstract paintings. This is the one that I made tonight and I'm loving myself.

I'm a little tired and I want to look for some ideas for painting and then read a little before sleep so I am off but not far away and really grateful for the blog as it is such a helpful tool and really the best part of the computer for me.

If you have any ideas for paintings don't hesitate to let me know.

At work, thinking aobut the studio

2011-02-23T12:37:00.000-08:00

Hello. This is a new painting of mine which just might be finished. It was reworked a couple of times and then last night I sketched a rose over the thing and it rings true. So there you go. Does it make any sense? That's not my department.

Also reworked the rose painting which I will post right now to your right. The crazy thing about drawing and painting is once you put paint down the drawing is gone. People always say leave it alone but are they going to buy it as a drawing on canvas? At the risk of sounding annoyed, No they are not. Ok I am done for now. Hope you enjoy as much as I did making them.

Later.

In the studio tonight

2011-02-22T17:06:00.000-08:00

Hello. I am hoping to get some work done tonight. I feel some pressure as the time is limited being eight o'clock already. So this is brief don't know what I 'm doing but I'm about to start.

Later.

Been away a while, god to be back.

2011-02-21T11:51:00.000-08:00

This is one of my new leaf studies. Small and simple. Don't know where they are going but that is the fun.

So yes I have been away from the blog but not NY. I've been working in my store and trying to be in the studio at night. Also trying to make a presence on fb for the store which like everything can be full time. The image at the top of my blog is a new painting that is just in the graphite stage. I have decided to take things slowly and think a little more, what a concept. Anyway this is brief just wanted to check in. I miss blogging but will return when time allows. I wish I could schedule my time in a way where there is time even if it is a small amount, time for everything.

Later.

I've been busy working in my store.

2011-02-17T10:05:00.000-08:00

Hello. This means that I am on fb all the time trying to establish a presence there. Hoping that maybe it will result in traffic. So much to figure out. I have been in the studio a bit - last night for a couple of hours again tonight and tomorrow night from 4:30 till late. Working on a large drawing on canvas and it is evolving into something exciting I must say.

Also trying to get up the ambition to send emails to galleries. Wearing many hats and it's the same old "old" head.

Later.

New beginnings

2011-02-13T05:13:00.000-08:00

Hello. I thought I would give this post an optimistic even though I'm feeling a bit less than optimistic. I'm discovering that I can't type right now so I will have to return later.

Life is an amazing ride.

2011-02-10T18:36:00.000-08:00

Hello. Yes I feel time does go quickly by. I have been away from the blog for a few days and I miss the connection. My days have been busy working in my store. We've come to the realization that for the store to succeed I need to work pretty full time. It is a change needless to say from being a full time artist for quite some time to suddenly running a store but a relief at the same time. I will have Friday afternoon/evening and all day Saturday in the studio and I think I might get more work done. I needed to get away from the studio, with all the time to work I was floundering. It is good to have this awareness. Luckily before we knew that I would be working full time I did make a start with some work and broke the ice and it is quite alright I think after a second look. I really labored over these three little paintings and the second nights work I was a bit horrified as per usual with my process but yesterday when I saw them I was quite pleased. More to come.

Friday night overnight back to city tomorrow

2011-02-04T19:58:00.001-08:00

Hello. I am in the country for an overnight and back in the city for the weekend tomorrow. I have a party to attend Saturday night and then a friend is in a group show in Long Island City with a Sunday reception then back out to EH. Yes very busy.

I came to the country today to finally start some painting and that is what I did. I broke the ice with some small works and primed lots of small pieces of paper for some studies. The idea is to work out the ideas on paper then dive onto canvas. I started with the canvas and then worked on the paper. Oh well it is fine as it turns out and I did make some realizations about my process. When I work small I can very easily overwork things. I'm trying not to look at it as a problem just an observation. Things are as they are and I do what I do so I can make the decision to approach things differently and move on from things before I overwork them or...

The three small things that I have started are landscapes basically that evolved from moving the paint around. There are some verticals dividing the small works which ultimately become trees and there is some distance resulting from rubbing out the first layers. I am discovering that I like this technique and there are many possibilities for picture making and creating space. That saying paintings come from painting is so true and I look forward to seeing what happens this go round.

I think I will be taking more hours in my store as things are slow and it just makes sense. I am not worried about the time away form the studio I will just have to get down there when I am not working. It might be good for me on many levels. To see how much I can get done with limited time could be a challenge and I am up for it. Yes I will be tired but again I think something positive might actually happen as a result. For one thing I will not think about showing the work I will just think about making it. I really just want to get to the studio when time allows and make work. When the time is right to put it out there I will do it. My experience has been that the returns do not justify the work involved in putting it out there. No sales have resulted from the shows I've had. I've sold more work form studio visits and my website. I've sever sold a painting from a show or venue as a matter of fact. It's because I've never had a big enough audience. My response has been wonderful just can't seem to get the bodies in. Whatever the reason, lousy economy, bad publicity, lousy sales representation it doesn't matter I'm through thinking about it for a while. My healthiest decision in a while I think. Now if I could just stop thinking about the chocolate downstairs or something salty to munch on. That is my challenge. I may lose that battle.

Enter February.

2011-02-01T08:34:00.000-08:00

Hello. It is a rather cold and wet day in NY. Dreary would be an apt description. Last night after many delays I made it into the studio but alas the desire to motivate was not there. I am trying not to compare myself to others for a change as that gets me no where just not helpful.

I am trying on many levels in all aspects of life to start anew. Especially with regards to negative thinking. BE GONE negative thinking. More to come.

Facebook privacy settings alert

2011-01-30T16:14:00.000-08:00

New FB Privacy setting called "Instant Personalization" goes into effect as of Friday. The new setting shares your data with non-FB sites & it is automatically set to "Enabled". Go to Account>Privacy Settings>Apps & Websites>Instant Personalization>edit settings & uncheck "Enable". BTW If your friends don't do this, they will be sharing info about you as well. Copy and repost."

http://www.facebook.com

More snow on its way they say...

2011-01-28T05:43:00.000-08:00

http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2007-07/10/content_6353824.htm

Hello. It is true I think they are still forecasting more snow. It is tiresome at this point...I don't know how people survive in places further North covered from November till April. Seriously I would move....or take a pill.

All the animals are freaking out as well. I was walking up the hill yesterday as the car can't navigate the shit and I heard a bird in distress. I can only assume it has something to do with mounds of snow everywhere weighing down the trees and covering everything. Also the deer are walking around more aimlessly then normal without much to nibble on. I'm kidding as I know they walk with purpose, for food of course.

Anyway, I'm tired of it. I have drifts all around me with no thaw in sight. I have some errands to do this morning and then I am in the studio. Trying to act like I care which is my challenge today as I have the blahs. I feel fat, old and bored. I had an elementary school teacher who had the original line "If you are bored you are boring" Is that the most annoying thing you've heard or what? A nun mind you. Of course she was kind of right (I say was because she must be dead by now) but I am not boring and yet I'm bored. Maybe I'm sublimely delusional. That's a terrible thought after all these years of thinking, hoping, desperately holding onto the hope that I am exciting and have something to offer, that I'm amazing only to discover that I'm ordinary.

Deal with it. Get in the studio and pretend you never contemplated any of this. Word for the day "delusional". Spell delusional boys and girls, d-e-l-u-s-i-o-n-a-l. Now use delusional in a sentence. "It's such a beautiful day and I'm going to make a painting". I chose to act delusional instead of the sentence Boys and Girls and it's my blog after all. Thank you.

— n 1. a mistaken or misleading opinion, idea, belief, etc: he has delusions of grandeur 2. psychiatry illusion See also hallucination a belief held in the face of evidence to the contrary, that is resistant to all reason 3. the act of deluding or state of being deluded

Harsh.

It looks like snow but rain is forecast

2011-01-26T04:41:00.000-08:00

Hello. It is surprising to me that rain is in the forecast as it looks like snow for sure. We shall see. I watched the President last night and if anyone can inspire hope it's President Obama. The Republican Paul Ryan gave it a negative spin but he is not a hope builder he is a racist who would undo everything positive accomplished by the current administration. He would stop at nothing till women resort to back alleys and gays back in the closet and blacks where they belong. He is a good talking head though, as far as looks he's got them so if they can keep him in check he is their man no doubt and that is scary as hell.

Such negativity I'd like to start the day off with something positive and creative. My facebook page has become a list of links exposing the GOP and Tea Party. It's not like I am putting anything new up as it is all from news sources but it is easy to not hear this stuff if you are not tuned in and who can blame people for tuning out.

Today I am working at the store, off tomorrow and back in the studio. I need to prepare for the storm today as driving tomorrow may not be an option. For the rest of the week actually if what they are predicting is any kind of reality. There's snow in the forecast for the next three days, maybe I should take it s little seriously. It has been a relentless winter so far I must say with ice on the ground for weeks and no sign of melting. Last night I fell going up the hill, the legs went right out from under me and the first thing I thought of was my mother should not go outside. Walking that is, getting some fresh air in the doorway is another thing. I do believe we need to get fresh air in our lungs, open up the door stand there and breathe it in.

The fall kind of shook me as my hands were already frozen as I forgot my gloves at the store and was carrying bags and briefcase. While going down in that split second I thought Oh this isn't bad but it quickly turned to oh this is bad as I kept sliding on this patch of ice. Right on my side. I got up quickly and luckily was close to the house but it hurt and soon after I felt a strange sensation between my legs which like of freaked me out bit I ignored it and it passed. I spoke with my sister and we exchanged fall stories and she told me that she fell walking the dog and went right down on her back hitting her head on the road. She said she just laid there looking up and around wondering if everything was OK moving slowly and luckily she is fine and had a hat and hood on her head. Walking on ice is dangerous.

How did we come to this?

2011-01-25T09:31:00.000-08:00

Hello. The question is how do we have a biased Supreme Court? Are they not supposed to be for all people? I know I am being naive but it is supposed to be that way. What is happening today is very troubling.

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-scalia-tea-party-20110125,0,6537598.story

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124708036

Thomas lists herself as a "fan" of Rush Limbaugh and says she is "intrigued" by Glenn Beck. She said at the Conservative Political Action Conference that her group would be active in the November elections, but she did not specify how. This is Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas's wife they are referring to. This is a line from an NPR story that I find more than troubling.

Procrastinating and then finding gratitude

2011-01-24T08:27:00.000-08:00

Hello. I have been procrastinating surprise surprise, on sending thank you follow up notes to galleries that John visited in Las Vegas and San Diego in early January. Meanwhile it took all of a couple of hours and it is done so there you go.

It is bitter like a few degrees below zero here in NY and I am inside till the thaw. There appears to be no wind though which is amazing as it usually goes hand in hand. Maybe the calm before the storm. Always the optimist.

Anyway, I did get a first coat of primer on three surfaces in y studio yesterday and now will do the second coat. As I have complained about in the past it is a physical job and it can wear me out but it needs to be done and I am happy to report that yesterday it wasn't so bad. I am also preparing to start a new smaller version of my "Rose"painting for a friend to give to his mother. I am pleased as I might not have thought of doing a smaller version and it could be something that is very salable as people really respond to "The Rose" but not everyone wants to commit to 94"x76" surprise surprise.

Saw "The Kings Speech" last night and was totally moved by the acting across the board. Amazingly beautiful.

We are all champions if we try.

2011-01-23T09:49:00.000-08:00

So I'm in the studio having completed one coat of primer on Three panels. Looking at my large painting called, "Pacific Coast, Big Sur, 2010. After being away form it for a while I see that there is more work to do. I want to fade some things out and make other things pop. Overall I am pleased with it so it is just some touch-up.

These images are photos that I have taken from 2007 anyway I think they are nice and like to look at them. They are local the left looking west from Napeague L.I. The right East Hampton beach dunes.

Hello. I have to feel that way. It is all a part of me trying to be more open, kind, sensitive and accepting of all and all things. For me acceptance is also the ability to reject what is negative and not healthy for me. I choose to not hear the political rhetoric for a while at least. I need to concentrate on the beauty in life as I prepare to make art.

My studio is shaping up and feels like a creative sacred place. I'm listening to instrumental chamber music which can be annoying and boring to me, at times but today it is quite brilliant. I am about to hang a new 96"x96" canvas panel for a new painting of paintings whatever I decide. I just hung my "Pacific Coast" painting on the back of "The Mist" on my hanging system so it is out of the way and soon I will be surrounded by white which for me is a great way to begin new work. Life can be great I feel very sober and lucky.

Thinking of Jeanne and Michael, two artists that the world lost recently and how I owe it to them to create as much as possible. I have the time and luck to be here so there it is. Time really is the most precious thing. Who are we and what and how have we come this far. I'm sitting in a huge enclosed peaceful space made to creativity listening to this box with sound and about to make things that nobody needs never but at the same time we all need. thinking of the most simple marks that I can make to start a painting. When in the past I required so much more of an idea for work today lines drawn a certain way creating space leading to something more or not is my thought process. It amazes me.

Off topic, yesterday I took a phone call that happened to be from a Democratic Fundraiser. I said after the beginning of his opening line that I was not in a position to donate at this time. He said with a rather strong, tired of me tone "Would I be prepared in four weeks?" I said again that I can not say and He came back again with the tone "Can we count on you in four weeks?" I'm not kidding here. Telling me Obama needs my support and the campaign is approaching. I finally said "Excuse me this is harassment I'm an artist and how dare you". Dead silence for a second then he came back apologizing. To which said thank you very much and hung up. I was really annoyed and offended on so many levels.

1. How many elderly people do they guilt into donating when they can barely afford their heating bill.

2. How dare he make me feel bad about not being able to assist the Dems.

3. I am really fed up with the lack of Campaign Finance Spending, something has to be done.

The funding that they need to run a campaign is obscene and should be changed immediately. They should do away with TV commercials and return to basic on the street get out the vote action. The millions spent and I mean hundreds of millions is sick and could assist the needy on so many levels. What has happened to us?

In the Studio feeling great

2011-01-22T09:04:00.000-08:00

Hello. Yes I am here and about to continue the prepping precess. Later.

Snowy, moody and beautiful day

2011-01-21T05:40:00.000-08:00

This image is one on Michael Knigin's "Wave Montage" series. I think they are amazing and beautiful. I went to Michael's funeral today it was the most beautiful ceremony I'd ever been to. There was a Rabbi who sang and one did not have to know Hebrew to feel the meaning. It had snowed but the sun was in and out and cold but it did not matter. I assisted my friend Haim who was very close to Michael shovel the dirt into the grave. It was a very strange experience dumping dirt on a casket strange but beautiful. The grave itself was so crisply dug. I don't remember the last funeral that I attended and I see why they are important, the last time that loved ones can feel some presence of the deceased.

I heard in the news today about a L. I. Firehouse that has a Confederate flag hanging in the firehouse. This is a problem only made worse by the fact that it happens to be a large African American community. News of this got out because a Black Fireman discovered the racist symbol. I don't understand and I do not want to sound naive about private racist groups being out there, it just amazes me. The racism and hatred out there in our midst when we think we are such a peaceful, accepting, community.

Hello. It is snowing again and like the last storm heavy wet snow. This means that the bamboo around the house is heavy and falling to the ground. It looks like a winter wonderland but that is where the beauty ends.

I planned on going to Michael Knigin's funeral today at eleven but now wonder if I can make it there or if in fact the funeral goes on in inclement weather. It seems like the perfect day for a funeral, the mood that is, sad and lonely. I know we are suppose to think of the good times when we think of someone who has left us but sometimes you just want to be sad. Feel the feelings and then move on. The grieving process is important. I did not know Michael well at all so I am not exactly talking about my grief for Michael. I guess I'm just thinking about my process in general. The grieving is honoring the person, thinking about them. All to soon we move on and possibly they are thought about less and less. Not they are not thought about but it is different, maybe not. Maybe the thoughts are deeper when they die. I certainly feel no less love when I think of my Dad. He had a long life and lived it to the fullest. Do I wish he were here today? If he could be healthier and not an alcoholic, Yes would be my answer but as he was no definitely not.

I finally broke through and spent some time in the studio yesterday. I did my usual cleaning and organizing and it is not so bad. I am in the prep stage and that is a very physical time in the studio. Preparing the canvas, stapling to the work stations, priming requiring lot's of strength. I usually go through the anxiety that I may not have it but yesterday I didn't really just got busy.

The snow is a drag as it is mounting up but I would love to turn this into an opportunity for photos. It seems to beautiful to let pass by. I have the winter garb, I should go out and shoot away. I wish I could find a bunch of deer in the snow. I hear snow plows off in the distance.

Letting go and picking up

2011-01-20T06:01:00.001-08:00

It is almost four in the afternoon and I am back to post a little. I'm finally in the studio and things are looking better down here. A little cool but I can deal with that as I like to have a scarf on anyway. I'm organizing and clearing the decks. I have literally yards and yards of canvas for new work. About to take down work that is finished. I see that one large painting is not finished after all and the time away was good as I see what needs to be done can I do it is the question? Listening to the radio some music, local station just music so not live and a mix of everything which means good and bad. The country that gets thrown in every forth song is a bit irritating but songs are generally three minutes unless the "artist" really has something to say so I can take it. It's a lesson in self control, the next one might be good...or not. These images are really beautiful of Michael Knigin's work. I feel very sad for Joan.

Hello. These are images of the artwork of Michael Knigin. I just found out that he passed away. He was a local artist out here in East Hampton and the little that I've known him I've found Him to be a gentle, talented, approachable, fine man. You can see more of his Wave Montage series at this link,

http://michaelknigin.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=22&Itemid=39&album=9728&page=

Joan Kraisky was Michael's partner in life and they were inseparable. Joan's work is quite beautiful and I think of her and hope she is well. He will be missed.

http://www.hamptons.com/The-Arts/Artists-of-the-Hamptons/3111/Artists-Among-Us-Artist-Profile-Joan-Kraisky.html

Today I am in the studio and I will think of these people that we have lost recently and make the best of my day. Realizing how fortunate I am to have this gift of time.

New beginnings

2011-01-19T05:13:00.000-08:00

I am returning to this post as I am heading to bed and looked out the window to see blue moon light, a full moon. It casts a blue light over the snow all around the house. When I located the moon straight up it was that view of the moon that you think of when you think of the Werewolf or Dracula. The clouds all around the light of the moon giving them shape. So incredible I only wish a photo that I could take would do some justice. It is an image that I would love to try to paint without it looking like a cliche. That would be the challenge. Maybe working from memory I would have some luck. I will look, take notes see how it really looks, not just trust my memory. I did take some photos outside where it is crisp, cold and moonlit. The photos are dark but maybe with some luck I can get some reference. Wow how amazing it all is, We are specks on the planet in the grand picture.

I'm making progress as I did not go and get the bag of chips to devour. That is something I do when John is away. It is a bad habit eating junk at all let alone before going to sleep. Also while typing this I am smiling. I had a very good day at the store. It was not as busy as we would like but better than it could have been. I re-arranged all of my paintings and the installation looks good.

Today while standing outside the store a guy leaving the neighboring store and stopped to chat, Dan I think. He right away started telling me that He is sober for fifteen plus years and we had a great conversation. Tomorrow is his anniversary actually He was so happy he just wanted to share. What they say in program is that the circumstances maybe different but it is all the same and truer words were never spoken because we are so different but on so many levels so similar. Amazing.

Hello. Today is my beautiful nieces birthday. It is so hard for me to remember the years that people were born let alone their ages. I guess she will always be young to me. Anyway I wish her the best of luck on her math test today. Go Rachel!!

This is a detail from one of my large paintings from 2010 I like this one, it has energy. That is what I am after "Good Energy". I manage to put the energy out there and keep all the negative inside. Really healthy right?

So what did I say yesterday? Today is the first day of the rest of my life? I am working today and hopefully going into the studio tonight. Last night was cold and the Australian Open is happening so I opted for tennis.

I am going to try to be optimistic today and see things the way they really are and not the way my negative thinking has conditioned me to see all these fifty plus years. Easier said then done but as that funk song of long ago said "I Have the Power"

Today we are expecting our first full delivery of oil from the new company and it seems the hill has thawed enough for a truck to get up. Oh happy day.

I just thought of some things that I can accomplish before heading to the store. I need some pvc poles to wrap my canvas. I also need some strips of wood to hang some of my large paintings so I can move on, prime new canvas and begin anew. How's that for optimism? That's me baby thinking positive thoughts new beginnings. Is that terribly redundant? new beginnings? Begin anew? Not really. I could be resuming work on something. I guess if it is new than it is the beginning. Anyway, it's all new every minute is new. I really want to try to go through life that way. Appreciating all things. I am going to start by getting off the computer and doing some stretching, eat and take it from there.

Jan. 18, 2011 continued

2011-01-18T07:45:00.000-08:00

I discovered this Georgia O'Keeffe painting today it is one of my new favorites of her work. Just when you think you've seen it all...wrong.

Love for no reason. Thank you.

Stop using Viagra if you have an erection lasting for four hours or more. Wow we have come far haven't we?? I'm watching the Australian Open and as with every other channel there are erectile dysfunction commercials every fourth or fifth commercial. I remember a time not so long ago when male genitalia was taboo. OK it was when I was young so I guess that was a long time ago but you get my point.

Tuesday January 18, 2011

2011-01-18T05:12:00.000-08:00

Hello. So today is the first day of the rest of my life. They are very profound words. There are days when I would respond f you but I am sincerely trying to feel better and act more in keeping with my situation or reality which is pretty great. Again acting as if.

Yesterday I watched a young buck with a beautiful set of antlers eating some of the apples I left out. He saw me and froze as is their natural behavior and then when I looked away gone like a shot. I felt bad that I scared him away but sure enough He came back in the early evening. Who said they are stupid. I am happy they are careful as we have hunters out here and wether or not it is the season I think there are those that would take an animal if they could get away with it. Let's not go there shall we.

Anyway in that moment I am experiencing pure bliss. They are such amazing creatures and I feel so lucky to have them in my life. It is freezing ice weather so the apples are frozen and yesterday morning John and in awoke to gulls in the sky which was really pretty till we discovered they were trying to eat my apple offerings. Feeding the wildlife is one thing but I do not want the yard to look like a landfill with gulls circling. I have to figure that one out. Of course they are beautiful as well but they mess everywhere and unlike deer it is not as beneficial to the grass. OK rambling about nothing.

Back on point, I am feeling gratitude for some great things in my life. The ability to have the internet at my fingertips to check in with people and to find some potentially great art sites to share. Because of my nature to go to the dark side I have to remember to think of the positive things in my day to day life. I also have to try to remember this throughout the day. Especially a day like today which is dark, rainy, cold and miserable.

I feel strong, my head is clear, I am about to begin some new work in the studio which if the past proves can be more youthful than ever. I've plans to organize the studio to make for more work space and better storage.

Monday January 17, 2011

2011-01-17T11:12:00.000-08:00

Soon I will have some new paintings to post but until then I need some pretty things to look at.

Hello. So today is a better day than yesterday which had disaster written all over it. Sage advice would have been to get in bed and pull the covers over my head but those words of wisdom never reached me. The icy hill is to blame.

I need to practice the steps of the program in regards to day to day living. I don't have substance abuse issues but they can be used in every aspect of improving ones life and outlook.

Thank you Andy!!!

2011-01-16T15:44:00.000-08:00

I think this is one of Andy Warhol's polaroids or an 8x10 print, of Dolly. Great.

The other's are Charles Burchfield from a show at the Whitney this past year I think and in private collections. Genius.

Sunday January 16, 2011

2011-01-16T13:48:00.000-08:00

This image is a close-up of my palette from a while ago. Not a real painting and no longer in existence but interesting none-the-less, to me anyway.

Hello. I have not been in the studio and feel that with my busy schedule I can't just go down there and start anything but that is a mistake. I might go down and break the ice. I feel I need a nice chunk of time to spend but if I go down and start the cleaning process which is what I do before getting to work I will be ahead of the game. The other thing is the temperature which is going below freezing tonight so the studio is not the warmest place to be.

John and I awoke to no heat this morning and discovered out tank was empty. The oil company claimed they came and could not get up the hill due to ice which is fine but a phone call to alert us would have been helpful. It is bullshit actually. We have an automatic fill contract and you would expect that they would call if the delivery was impossible. If we were not here for a while and the heat was off the pipes could freeze and we are up the creek w/o. It is really a rotten situation we found ourselves in. So we called a competitor and they came within the hour with twenty gallons to get us going.

Then the rotten part really started. The former oil company showed up and I informed them that we are with another company. Not very happy the guy got in the truck and attempted to leave. After several back and forth attempts to back out of our snowy, icy drive he got stuck against a large beautiful rock destroying one of our light fixtures in the process.

He did not want to talk to me as we are no longer customers, well after telling me that we have no idea what it's like to work seventy hours a week (meaning I don't do a lick of work) and calling me a liberal while getting in his truck. To which I replied he had no right to assume anything about me as he does not know me. Also telling me that he attempted to deliver the oil earlier in the week but could not get up the hill. To which I said why did you not call or your company call to tell us that they could not get up the hill and make the delivery. No response.

So the day goes by and he is wedged on an angle, a large oil truck in the yard just running and running, can't think of the word for a car running. Anyway, two hours later a back-hoe comes to assist in getting him dislodged. He gets dislodged pulls up further in the drive to turn around. Great. In the process taking out another light then finally leaving after taking photos of the yard where he was stuck. I have also taken photos of the broken light fixtures one with a large oil truck wheel next to it.

OK maybe we should have had sanded the hill and drive but sand does not appear magically or for free. Nor does it get plowed for free. It is a private road and we are the only house of four that are out here so it is us that has to pay. Fine. But the first storm while we were away left ice all over then the next storm freezing snow so it is a mess and no thaw in sight.

What really got me was the angry oil delivery guy. I felt threatened and the worst part was I wanted him to hit me so I could hit him back. Not very nice I know as he probably would have hurt me but he was a jerk and at the same time I understand where he was coming from but we are not the enemy just the customer or victim.

This has been a boring post I know but kind of sums up yet another day in the life of a depressant. (I know the drug is the depressant but I think it can also refer to the person??) And who cares it's my blog. I almost had the term for leaving the car running it was on the tip of my tongue.

I'm making some beautiful hot and sweet sausages with peppers some big chunks of garlic and I've thrown in some small yukon gold fingerling potatoes chunked up. My thought is that the potatoes will break down and thicken the sauce which is for pasta.

I've been cooking in a way that is quite different for me ever since Christmas when we bought ourselves a juicer. I've been buying more vegetables and fruits than ever and in turn ginger and on and on. So last night I made chicken with ginger which I've never done. I'm a decent cook but pretty boring and that is over. Maybe this will make me happy. I'm really trying but for some reason my head has been struggling with day to day life. I'm not suicidal or anything just slow and rather sad. Maybe it's winter, not being in the studio, getting older, you decide.

With that said life is great and I'm acting as if. I get up so some stretching, and get on with the day. Yes you guessed it crazy.

R.I.P. Jeanne Risica you lovely woman. I miss you even though we didn't see each other for a long time. Your presence was felt and lives on through your beautiful art.

Idling. thank you senior moment.

January 14, 2011

2011-01-14T13:41:00.000-08:00

Untitled (I like you 'cause you like me and you don't like much.) by Mike Monteiro

Hello. I've been hunting around for blogs as I've mentioned and I found this one blog with this piece on it. It is a black background with big white text, the quote above. I think it is funny and brilliant.

I have an early tennis match/lesson tomorrow and a busy day so I really should turn in. I've been trying to increase my friend base on fb because isn't that what your supposed to do? crazy world isn't it??

This painting is not new and I need to make some new work as I am bored out of my mind with what I have. I like to post and image with each post and I am struggling to not bore myself.

I did accomplish quite a few things today and I'm getting closer to being in the studio. I'm also feeling better physically which is good news as it is impossible to be at your best when you feel like shit.

I was wondering today while doing some cleaning if successful people watch television. Here I am at my age still sitting in front of the tv like I've got all the time in the world. When will I see how little time is left and how little tv gives back. It's time spent with John, we relax together, good for both of us but at the same time I'm not getting any younger and anyway this is a dead topic but I will think more about this issue.

January 14, 2011

2011-01-14T05:20:00.001-08:00

Hello. I have not been in the studio for a while with all the other things that need taking care of in life. It's all fine and I am thinking about my next move and preparing for work. It is how I operate I guess, it used to give me stress about not getting things done but I am getting "other" things done so accept.

I am trying to find art related blogs to check out and link up and follow. It's fun but like everything else time consuming. The great thing is the possibility of finding new artists and great work.

This morning while searching around I came across this woman who I will not mention or follow because of what she said. It was harmless on the surface but makes me see even how harmless things can offend. Also it makes me see how sensitive I can be and how words matter. And let me just say that this was on a list of top art blogs. I'll get to that later.

She is a rather detailed folksy kind of painter, I guess naive is the term like Gandma Moses although different anyway not really important. She was talking about sending paintings to Japan to a gallery that may represent her and how her paintings take a while and how she wishes she could be an abstract painter and just "slap" the paint on the canvas and make a painting a day instead of what she does which is time consuming.

OK I know she did not mean to offend but it is really pushing my boundaries to not be bitter. It was a stupid thing to say and something that we are all capable of if not careful. I am aware that some people think that abstract work is "so easy a child could do it" and to them I say, go ahead try. Try to make a good abstract painting that is. Yes everyone can slap paint on a canvas and it might even work at times but first of all you have to have the desire to do it and not just talk about it. Second there is some feeling involved if it is just slapped on then chances are a sophisticated maybe even a less than sophisticated person will spot the insincerity.

Anyway, I am not bitter I know what the woman meant and I am probably guilty or will be guilty later on today of saying something without thinking of consequences. If you have five minutes I will probably say something annoyingly judgmental. Change does not come overnight as our President is well aware by now. I am so proud to have the wonderful President that we have. I hope things go well for him because we need him for at least six more years. Love my thought process, it can be cause for a headache I know.

I'm working on staying off the bitter bus and I will continue to search for art blogs that speak to me or show me good work.

I have so much to do around the house and in the studio today and there are only so many hours so something will suffer. First of all the bamboo is almost horizontal with heavy snow and ice and it is blocking passageways so I can not ignore it. Yesterday while shaking snow off to release it a twig found its way into my right ear coming dangerously close to puncturing my eardrum. The gods were looking down on me and all is fine but it did freak me out and made me see how careful I need to be. There is a reason for protective goggles, hats, gloves all that gear is for a reason. Accidents happen when rushing which is what I was doing, trying to do everything at once. A valuable lesson.

The snowmen photo is an image to make you smile. It is from last winter, I will try to take some snow photos to document this winter.

January 13, 2011

2011-01-13T13:28:00.000-08:00

Hello. We had another storm dumping fifteen inches on top of some existing snow so there is enough to satisfy any winter loving nut. Listen I think it is pretty but there really is enough already and today I shoveled my car out of two separate situations and then what is there left to the day. OK my bitterness is over. It could be much worse and I'm sure it will be.

I am trying to send some followup letters to galleries and if I can accomplish that I will be happy. John visited some galleries while traveling recently and I need to send thank you notes for taking some time to chat with him. I can do that. Right? You would think. anyway enough rambling here I go.

Again I wish I made this painting but I didn't and can't even give it a credit other than "Edward" I think it is amazing. there is an outline that you can't even see so it is much stronger than it appears and I think it appears pretty strong as it is. Later. I found it searching through blogs which I've rediscovered and is quite fun. You have to wade through a lot of crap but this is the case with everything right.

January 11, 2011

2011-01-11T06:05:00.000-08:00

Hello. I feel I want to make another post dedicated to Jeanne Risica who died this past New Year's Eve. It is my way of celebrating her, a brilliant painter. I happen to own at least one of her paintings I say one because I bought a few from a studio sale that she and my cousin Ron had years ago. I am pretty sure that I have some of their collaborations but not sure if I have any more of her solo pieces. The piece is stored in my studio in the city and I am not sure if it has been photographed I will try to locate an image of it. It is a beautiful image that she was close to, I think she told me it was from a dream she had or a childhood memory. It is a very dark almost black painting on a piece of random wood with a line dividing the horizontal plane and an outline drawing of a child on a bicycle, I think the child is upside down. A very moving piece. I may have to give it on loan to my cousin who is deeply in mourning for his friend.

So this is for Jeanne.

January 10, 2011

2011-01-10T17:48:00.000-08:00

Hello. So here we are Monday night and I am still feeling the same...annoying head cold. Sitting in front of the TV watching Keith Olbermann and then Rachel Maddow. Then to bed. I have a big day tomorrow so I will get to sleep early tonight.

I found out that a friend Jeanne Risica died on Dec 31, 2010. This is a photo of Jeanne from her Obituary and this is one of her recent paintings titled "The Kiss" acrylic on canvas. Jeanne was a wonderful woman that I met through my cousin Ron. They collaborated on paintings for many years with beautiful results. The last few years of her life she was making her own paintings as they ended their collaboration. Her solo work was beautiful as it turns out. We hadn't seen each other for quite a while regrettably and I hadn't seen what she had been up to creatively till now. I am quite moved by her beautiful work and the world will miss her.

RIP Jeanne

January 8, 2011

2011-01-09T12:35:00.001-08:00

Hello. Praying always seemed stupid, uncomfortable to me because of the word. It comes with the baggage of my Catholic upbringing, visions of the hands clasped together, halos and eyes gazing up to the heavens. It's just a word and organized religion does not have the sole right to it. It's my shit of course and the upbringing anyway here goes. I'm praying for Congresswoman Giffords. She was injured so badly by that bullet that part of her skull is detached from her head. The doctors removed it to treat her. That is so amazing to me that a person can survive such a procedure after having a bullet at close range go through their head.

How can this be? God is not real, God is a feeling of good that we have. God is a flower. God is that nine year old girl whose life was taken yesterday. I just put a risky post of fb stating just this. It was not inflammatory, it was not saying that god is dead or doesn't exist. It's the new me. I need to respect others views and feelings.

I also need to focus on my Artist Statement which si really difficult.

very sad indeed

2011-01-09T05:55:00.000-08:00

Hello. I am sick again which is not the best news but there is a lot of snow all around me so I have the opportunity to stay home and take care of myself which I will try to do. I am currently making materials to send to galleries outside of NY. I've noticed through the years that each attempt at this gets better an d this one is the best yet. A friend showed me how to get text on my images in photoshop and that opens up a world of possibilities. No more writing at the bottom of the copy which does nothing for the work. So yes I am moving forward. I have a deadline of tomorrow morning to get a package in the mail. I used to send materials off not really caring if they were returned - not any more I want them back if they are not going to be considered. I have to start thinking about sending them to someone else if they are of no use to one gallery. They cost to much and take to much time to prepare to end up in someone's useless file or garbage.

So I am making a concerted effort to stay in the positive. It is challenging but does get easier every day if I practice positive thinking looking up instead of down.

guns kill and there is little defense of them in my mind

2011-01-09T05:42:00.000-08:00

Hello. I am so shocked and saddened by the horrible act of violence in Arizona yesterday that I don't know what to say. In one minute a group of people who really care about the little guy are senselessly snuffed out. All innocent victims of random violence. There is nothing else to say except I do hope that these radio personalities tone down there suggestive talk that puts ideas into the minds of imbalanced people. They do bare part of the responsibility when you say something irresponsible and you are in a position of power then you should be held accountable. I don't mean go to prison but I do feel that they should be taken off the air after they apologize and admit they went to far. But I fear they will act like the victims who have had their free speech rights trampled upon. I hope I'm wrong. because a nine year old girl is dead and a very good well loved judge, a loved congresswoman is seriously wounded and four others are dead and 14 - 15 others wounded all because of a loose canon with the means to get himself armed. We are in deep trouble if things don't change.

January 7, 2011

2011-01-07T18:03:00.000-08:00

I call this painting "Land and Sea", don't know why...it was a feeling I had when I first made it and it stuck. Love the sound of it though even though it's hardly original. It's a small painting 21"x20" and the title seems so grand and old world, I love it.

Hello 2011. Here I am. It's been a while and I wish you the healthiest, happiest, prosperous and love filled new year with peace and All Good Things (great movie btw). I guess that's all that I can do. I will try to spread the word by practicing what I preach, love, love, love and good will, all we can do really.

I am making a strong effort to be more optimistic in my day to day everything. How's that? All I can do is try. I want to be a good influence to younger people. I never wanted to be a bitter old man and I've come dangerously close to being just that. Mind you I'm not getting all goody goody, I'm a bitter old queen at heart but I want to put kinder gentler energy out there as much as I can. A tad self serving mind you as I have noticed that I am getting older looking and the negativity might not be helping. Listen that's not totally true just a little. I really do sincerely want to be a nicer person. My man is the nicest guy and I want to be like him if for nothing else then to be nice to him. He deserves better than my horrible bitterness of late. I see where it came from and that is half the battle of beating the meanies. I am fifty-one and I want some success is that so wrong? I want to be able to sell paintings to make a modest living. I'm not talking about six or seven figures although in my mind that is what I want, I have to dream right? Money makes things easier that is all there is to it.

OK I'm rambling, I want to be the kind of person that people want to meet and not the nightmare that I have been this last year...or two. I would not want to hang out with the me of 2010. Listen it was a terrible year, world is a mess but that is not my business. My business is to be nice, treat others well and to love and help in any way I can. And to make paintings that make me happy and hopefully please others.

I also am making a concerted effort to take care of my self and body which has been good to me all these long years so I need to be good to it and love it. I'm also trying something new which is not editing myself. And one last thing, eventually removing my adult warning from this blog but I can't rush into that after all, this nice shit could be a phase. :)

Key word...nice.

A new me?

2010-12-27T04:34:00.000-08:00

This little detail is from a large painting of mine called The Rose,

Hello. I kind of doubt it but I am always trying to improve myself so who knows maybe. We are approaching the new year having survived Christmas and I would really love to have a good one. I feel I'm off to a good start as I have made some personal changes that have taken effect since Thanksgiving and already I'm feeling physically and emotionally stronger.

It is amazing how strong we are as humans if we choose to be. And just like any living thing if we feed it well and do the right things we grow stronger. I also want to work on my negative thinking which is toxic to me and anyone who reads it. I stand behind my beliefs but what good does it do to rant one and on about the other side. I need to practice the tenants of self help programs such as, keep the focus on yourself, HALT Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, and many more that I can't think of right now. If I am living by these little rules than I will be a more agreeable person and infinitely happier.

December 6, 2010

2010-12-06T12:24:00.000-08:00

Hello. I feel talking about art is so trivial at this point in time. It is my topic of choice as I don't feel I have much else to say on any other topic or quite frankly that anything else is worth talking about. Call me narrow minded and I will answer. With that said fasten your seat belts.

It's cold in NY and I have been OK with it till recently like this morning when I awoke to flurries. Not very funny thank you very much. But I'm not angry I'm grateful for the day and what is possible. Right. Anyway enough of that gay upbeat talk. I'm pissed off actually. I found out that my phone company , Verizon supports Republican Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma who issued death threats to Doctors who provide abortions. What kind of country is this. Why is it legal for someone in a public office to make that blatant threat when Doctors who provide abortions have been assassinated already. It's no joke. He has no intention of killing anyone just putting the idea into some unbalanced mind. I think He should be held accountable and certainly not be able to hold a public office. This country is fucked up and I am not happy. I am all for freedom of speech and I realize it must be protected but there are limits and no matter what political party you align yourself with words of this nature are dangerous and should not be tolerated in a civilized society. Last time I checked we lived in a civilized society. The Party of No has really taken things to the extreme at this point in time.

Of course I wrote this rant but I feel I must sign it to really stand behind what I say. Come and get me you horrible Tea Party/Republican Politicians with little or no conscience or fucking brains for that matter. I'm scared. Bitter?? you haven't experienced bitter until you've experienced "bitter and old" party of one.

Signed, Mark Perry NY.

It's a dreary day.

2010-12-01T13:44:00.000-08:00

Hello. Not much to report today. This is a recent painting that I love for its simplicity. The seemingly white patch is actually a pale blue color with some white in the center. It is 20"x20", oil on canvas.

Wow the past few days have been full

2010-11-27T20:17:00.000-08:00

This is one of my new crazy paintings about 20"x20" oil on canvas.

This one is actually kind of tame but I guess you can be the judge I want fudge isn't that crazy? It's not the one that I wanted to post but THAT one is one rotation to the right and I can't seem to rotate left. Anyway so much for progress.

Hello. I am in the studio in body only. I've been on my computer googling this writer/musician friend named Pat Rogers. Pat wrote a very nice piece about me back in Feb 2009 I think that's right. We met then and we bump into each other socially usually as Surface Library events. http://www.surfacelibrary.com/ I've been checking out her blog, see below, on LI Pulse, some great coverage of art and culture. A wonderful woman, we had a new connection tonight it was about her, there is so much more than I ever knew. She is a musician, runs a contracting business in Sag Harbor, blogs, and of course has a thirst for art. It was nice that it wasn't about me for a change. She is so generous that normally the attention is on you or rather me and for a change it was on her. Btw, Surface Library's site is looking beautiful so I would check that out as well.

http://www.lipulse.com/blog/category/art/P0/

As I am back in the studio it is back to being about me and being around my work and catching up. I have been away form these pages and also facebook herein referred to as fb. C'mon get hip. I miss the blog and there is the difference. John is in London till this Thursday (so if I have a stalker out there I am alone so this would be the perfect time to stalk...is that crazy or what?) and we have been very close which is amazing at every turn. I am working the store tomorrow and my paintings are hanging for their first weekend at Balasses House also some small pieces at Surface Library for their annual Christmas Sale. I am happy to be a part of both and would really love to unload a couple or one so as to not bring it home. I did sell one of my Golden Landscapes, the more vertical of the two. It was sold to family, which sounds rude when I say it. Yes John's Sister-in-Law purchased a painting and she was right it looks perfect in the location. I did not get a photo foolishly. It was great hanging the painting and having it look so good. Yet I can still in the next breath question my abilities. Is it meant to keep my on my toes? Is that my story?

Boy do I have stories. My last tenant...a story I will take to my grave ended shy of two weeks ago and I am just recovering on so many levels. It did not end well and I played a part in the bad situation but I stand by my story, have no regrets and I'm moving on. It makes me feel better knowing that of my many short term, three months of less sublets this one was the only one to end negatively and I've learned a lesson going forward. I do have a new tenant beginning soon and I am optimistic that this one will be a good experience.

All the best.

Thursday night in the studio

2010-11-18T19:44:00.000-08:00

Hello. So I feel like I've been very active on facebook. Venting my frustration with the republican party feeling helpless. On top of that I'm getting older and feel tired. Same old story. I did have a moment tonight when I was in my head and admitted to myself that yes I am getting older. There's no denying the reality of the situation. BUT it is not over yet. I am still vital. I have been eating badly a bit lately, I've been alone and haven't found time in my day to shop so I am eating lots of bread products which is a fancy way of saying I've been eating pizza and not beautiful brickoven pizza but greasy quick pizza. It will kill you at my age anyway.

Who the fuck has the time to work shop and cook? Oh and then make art. This isn't all complaints mind you. I am liking what I am doing, being in the store a couple of days at least one a week and playing a more active roll. I'm also preparing this work at this antique shop and wearing other hats as well. I am slower and part of it is that I am burning the candle at both ends a bit I guess. Poor me.

Anyway, I am looking at one of my newer large paintings that I thought was finished and seeing something else that I could do. It feels good to see something and to visualize what the change could bring to the piece.

Last night is was so windy there were trees making noises like they were in the house. I had to pull the blankets over my head almost it was so scary. Hearing the terrible noise and then being so quiet to hear if there is someone in the house. Being alone can be crazy. I'm not scared normally just when in bed alone hearing noises.

So maybe I won't go to bed. I think I will start using facebook only for communicating what is going on in my life. I've been a little to present and the return is not enough. The connection with friends is great and that I will try to keep up but my venting about the likes of rotten politicians has got to stop.

Back in the studio 8:00pm

2010-11-11T17:04:00.000-08:00

Hello. I love this image of the Pacific Coast Highway in Carmel.

Let me preface this post by saying that I just discovered how to have followers posted on my blog. Better late than never I guess. To my surprise when I figured this out there were already some people that have read my blog at least once. I have probably scared them away. Oh well. Come back. Come back. Seriously this post is not the most upbeat but I'm not a perky person. So if that's what you want I know it's out there for the finding.

Anyway, welcome. I wrote the post below and then figured I'd look to see if anyone had commented and there were two comments by a new person and they were brief and very nice and really made my evening. People are wonderful things and words are so powerful. The crap I wrote below is just that.

So yes I am back in the studio and overwhelmed with feelings. Period. After seeing Kiefer yesterday and his brilliance my paint splashed on canvas seems kind of hollow. I can not compare myself to him for so many reasons. Just as I should not compare myself to anyone in a critical way that is. It just doesn't do any good. After feeling this way as soon as I got in the studio and turned the lights on I felt like a traitor to my work for not feeling good about it. I love my work and it is a changing living thing so maybe one day I will give myself credit for making something good. I know it's good. It's just that Kiefer is sooooo past good. His work is the only work worth doing. How's that. Stupid I know. Anyway, I'll get over it cause if I don't I might as well kill myself right now and I'm to chicken for that.

I think I will end this post now as I need to get to work and get some gratitude and work on the positive attitude. Yay. Here I go.

at my store today

2010-11-11T13:10:00.000-08:00

Hello. I am working at my store today getting off at seven and then home in the studio. I was in the city for a couple of days and I saw the Anselm Kiefer show at Gagosian Gallery. He is a remarkable painter for any age. There are huge, twelve foot tall vitrines with dried plants up-side-down sunflowers almost as tall, glass and steel frames, quite impressive. But the paintings were something to behold. They were three times the size of anything I have yet to paint and one canvas probably had more pigment on it than I will ever use. He really speaks to me on so many levels if I don't see another show this year I am thrilled to have seen that one.

http://www.gagosian.com/posters/2010_anselm-kiefer_next-year-in-jerusalem-poster/#/im ages/1/

This link is just for a stupid poster and you can't really see wait a minute I will get a good link. Well you can google him for sure there are planty of images but not the currnet work which is what I'm talking about. anyway, that is that. Anslem Kiefer, the real deal.

I am trying to think of other shows that I saw and coming up blank. There was a video at Mary Boone which was memorable. Oh and this newly located gallery in Chelsea, Mark Dean Project I think it's called. I know Mark, He is a great guy and the space is great. He is currently showing this young hyper-realist painter named Bryan??? anyway, not important because you will most likely hear about him at some point. Even if you are bored by realist painting which I can be you know your in the company of genius when you see it and this guy is stupendous. He has more skill than anyone and He has a sense of humor which is even better. He makes under lifesized portraits in oil and you can see the pores and not in a gross, boring, who cares way just really fucking amazing. Anyway I tip my hat to Mark for representing him and they are selling. $12,000. for a 12"x10" portrait. Not bad right. Of course the work is intense and very slow but He is young and very energetic. Enough.

Back to me. I have to forget all of this when I get to the studio because it is not always helpful. As a matter of fact it can be debilitating but I will not entertain those thoughts.

November 8, 2010

2010-11-08T16:32:00.000-08:00

Hello. Back in the studio tonight but may not make a late night of it. Today while doing errands I spotted a free sign on the side of the road with a concrete birdbath standing. It weigh a ton I lifted the basin twice and the foundation with the guy giving it away, it was heavy. I took it out of the trunk myself now I'm on muscle relaxer of some kind. so I may take advantage of the drugs and do some good painting or brave painting anyway.

This is a detail of one of my clover series paintings. It is un-stretched and I may stretch it soon, very excited about seeing it and varnishing it. It's the little things.

In the studio for the night.

2010-11-07T17:36:00.000-08:00

Hello. Yes I am in the studio, last night I had a breakthrough with a painting that needed to go further. It was a little scary at one point when I thought I was a fraud and panicked. I got my shit together, made the next right move and brought the painting to life and its good. I always forget that the painting takes the time it does it can't be rushed, knowing that you would think I could relax and enjoy the process. I do enjoy the process of course. I'm making paintings that I want to make and if I can say that than I think I am lucky. So it is a good ending and I am back in the studio alone for a couple of days. I plan on taking myself out and explore some nature tomorrow take some photos and get some inspiration....The image is a detail of a painting from last year I felt I needed to put something up that is pretty.

Anyway what I wanted to say was last year around this time there was a spider in my studio that caught some big insects in her web and had hundreds of babies. Once she ensnared a large cricket but this thing was fighting suspended in this thick web until it tired of fighting I guess and she went in for the kill. I wish I had seen that but maybe it's better that I didn't. One day they ALL seemed to be gone.

I think one of her offspring survived and she is fertile. There are three eggs sacks and they look alive and many carcasses on the floor. The other day I was disconnecting all of my plugs because Al Gore says so. Anyway, Her web was wrapped up in one of the cords and I do try to stay out of there way but if they get in mine then there is no guarantee that they will survive. I militantly defend them but they live with me and if they are wise stay at the corner where the wall meets the floor. And if you don't know what the sound of the vacuum means it could be your bug undoing.

So when I pulled the plug and she ran and the sticky web was all over. I tried to reconnect the web in one spot and distanced myself. I then discovered millions of itsy bitsy spiders. all in a line. They were adorable. I wonder at what point they are able to sting their prey? Anyway they are amazing little creatures and I am so happy they eat bugs. I love that word bug.

Meanwhile the political climate seems to be changing and I am not happy and I hope that these people who don't believe in global warming can take their heads out of the sand and stop the fracking. I put a link up about fracking but it didn't go anywhere so if you google you can find info.

Carmen McRae is on the radio singing "I'll be Seeing You" she was great.

The polls are open till midnight tonight

2010-10-27T12:03:00.000-07:00

Hello. I am using all on my political capital on this one. It is exhausting going after the votes and I am shameless. Still not over though. More to come.

http://www.arttakesmiami.com/MarkPerry

Desperately seeking votes www.arttakesmiami.com/MarkPerry

2010-10-26T06:34:00.000-07:00

Tragedy. Do you remember the classic BeeGee's song? Well that's me. I need you all to go to this vote and vote for me. To hell with the art it's my ego at stake here. Even if you hate me and my work go and express your rage. Seriously though I have started this nightmare of a ball rolling so now I am in it full steam ahead. I WANT VOTES. :) :) :)

http://www.arttakesmiami.com/MarkPerry

Vote For me!!! Deadline late Wednesday Oct. 27

2010-10-25T20:12:00.000-07:00

Hello. Visit this site and cast your vote. I wish there was a list of other artists to judge but it seems not to be the case. I can't find other artists to check out unless I google "art takes miami" and it seems there are some artists listed although very few. Good Luck and enjoy the work......I hope.

http://www.arttakesmiami.com/MarkPerry

back to work on many fronts

2010-10-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

Hello. I have been away a long time and have been busy in the country where I am pretty full time with my sublet. I've been making some new paintings that I want to show and facebook is annoying and I feel infinitely safer on my blog. That's my first mistake. This group of four are close-up views of Muir Woods and my Backyard. The one on the left is "The Pacific Coast" coming in at a whopping 94"x76" It is garish and crazy and I have a love hate relationship with it but I think it might be good in time. These images needless to say were shot by an amateur that would be me so the color and everything is crap in person they are pretty special and going in the right direction.

This guy who has read my blog suggested that I document the work, the process and I have been taking photos of paintings during phases which can be great. This large Pacific Coast Painting that I am making has been handled very mechanically that is, rocks then the water. It feels very technical and of course it is but I think the fact that it is kind of monumental in scale for the subject also the fact that I haven't been making representational paintings in a while. Back to old turf which is amazingly comfortable. There is a result and you are watching it happen I really love what has just happened with the PCoast painting the foreground feels like you are hovering over it and I could not be happier. If nothing else it justified the scale sort of anyway...making that discovery purely accidentally. I say that because the image that I am referencing is very vague in the foreground so I've made it up and in the end painted over it and made a mess that finished it quite well. And you try painting the ocean. Unbelievable that I can even be so arrogant to tackle what I have always feared the most. Water is as you can imagine is right up there with painting glass which is easier I think. I lucked out with this PCoast Pic. I think anyway. It's funny to think that there are people who will think it sucks. I understand that if you can paint well you might be put off by my attempts. I do think they are great though so I am totally serious and stand behind my paintings. :)

Wow that last rant was suppose to be about my photographic process regarding work. I did take photos pf two phases of the painting. The Rock stage and then the Rock / Water phase. the one above of course is the latter. I am hesitant to post Phase 1 becasue I know everyone, all of you will say I should have stopped. It is valid but not what I was going for now. But the photo was helpful to see what I may do later that is certain. I have used photography during the process in the past but at this stage in my life I think it makes more sense. When I was younger it didn't serve any purpose (other than document my drink/pot filled... youth) today it is a useful tool. As Joanne Worely would say Borrrring!

In the city for three days

2010-10-08T17:33:00.000-07:00

Hello. This is a photo I took yesterday at Maidstone Beach in Springs, not the Springs but Springs. I get it now but the Springs but I guess there are no springs anyway. It is a small pool of water along the waterline if that makes sense. The body of water is right at the top of the image cut off a bit. The color of the water is the way it is every Autumn, rich and dark.

I am thinking about well actually more than thinking about I am painting some representational pictures and having a blast. I need to draw something after being around representational work for a while and making abstracted paintings makes me long for some of that skill. I am really loving the brush after using a palette knife of one kind or another for what seems like a couple years. I have the tendency to draw with it though and my plan is to try to pick up the paint and put it where it belongs and move on. I need to use a larger brush I guess. I am seeing that there is less waste with a brush. With a knife I mix a pile and scrape it up and keep going. It is a totally different thing of course. The waste is when I scrape off the excess from the painting surface. The rag gets it all. That's not good.

So yes I am inspired to look at the landscape again. I want to make something you can go into. But I feel the same way about the abstract landscapes looking for a place to go. So I am gathering some reference material and seeing some beautiful nature.

Great story to tell

2010-10-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

Hello. Listen to this.

Yesterday when I was closing the trunk of John's car I noticed something was off. Quite literally there as a screw missing on one side so it was off balance and would not close properly. Each side has two hex head metric screws as it is not American. This is fascinating right? Wait the amazing part has yet to come.

I learned that there are two kinds of screw threads. Our kind here in America and the other kind from Europe. Metric. Anyway I thought I would match up a screw and solve the problem till we could get a proper fancy car screw. I did get what i think will work, the guy said so.

So after some errands and on and on I get home unload the car get all of my crazy ass pumpkins out of the trunk and try to replace the screw. My screw is not a hex head screw but a regular American flat head screw. The car had a built in toolbox under the trunk hood and in it ther is a flat head screwdriver. How convenient but weird right?

Back to my story. First I replace the screw that I took to get the right size and then to replace the missing one. I place the washer on the screw and attempt to put it in the hole, it is a tight place as it is the bottom screw and the hinge is right there so.... Anyway annoying I go to the whole and drop the screw and the washer more annoying right as the driveway is small stones and I am blind. So I focus and bend down and pick up the screw and a black thing that looks just like the missing screw. Do you believe it. The crazy thing is that I bent over to pick up the dropped screw and picked them both up within a second of each other. There was no looking I just reached and picked it up. Being in that moment was a very strange experience on so many levels.

So the bottom line is I wasted an hour looking for the screws and the time in my head spent thinking about it. Also what kind of car has a trunk that comes undone? Who needs it? With all there is to worry about great now we have to make sure screws are tightened.

Nap time.